Rescue Bug
by Draxis
Summary: Trouble is brewing on the Watchtower as a number of personal possessions have gone missing. Is it a vicious plot by an enemy of the Justice League, a harmless prank, or group amnesia?
1. Chapter 1

This is an experiment. If you love it, thanks. If you hate it, it's all Dragonrider7's fault.

I don't own a single character in the DC Universe. Heck, I don't even own any characters in _this_ universe!

-----

Chapter 1

Superman stepped off the transporter, baffled at the flashing alarm light. He stepped over to the wall comm. unit. "This is Clark. Do we have an alert?"

Bruce's voice responded. "We're having problems with the intruder alarm. It keeps tripping, but we haven't been able to detect anyone on the Watchtower but us. I think there's a short in the system, because the alarm is only registering an intruder for a second or two before resetting itself. Of course, Wally could be playing another one of his stupid pranks on us."

Clark sighed. The last time Wally had been in a prankish mood, they'd all found key components of their costumes swapped. Ordinarily it wouldn't have been a problem, but the Injustice League had chosen that very moment for a concentrated assault on the JL satellite, and they'd been forced to repel the attackers with what they had. Batman had used Wonder Woman's rope reasonably well, and Hawk Girl had managed to harness Green Lantern's ring to some effect, but John had nearly blown his fingers off trying to open a capsule on Bruce's utility belt. "Has anyone asked Wally?"

"No one has gotten a chance. He's racing around looking for his little black book. We thought he was tripping the alarm, but we've verified that the alerts aren't coinciding with his location at that instant." There was a brief pause. "If he's playing tricks on us, then this is all part of the game."

Clark nodded. "Okay, Bruce. Is the system diagnostic showing anything amiss?"

Bruce sounded annoyed. "I would have mentioned it if it was."

"Sorry, Bruce. Just covering all the bases. Is there anything else going on?"

"Surprisingly enough, no. Everything is peaceful down on the planet right now. No villain activity, no natural catastrophes – it's actually a lazy day for the Justice League. Except for the manic searching of one scarlet speedster."

Clark was about to head for his quarters when Wally zipped up to him. "Clark, do you know where my phone book is? I've got a date tonight and I need to look up her name, but I can't find my phone book."

Clark shrugged. "Sorry, Wally. Haven't-"

Wally was gone. "-seen it." Shaking his head, Clark stepped out into the main passageway and headed for his quarters. Halfway there he paused for a second. He thought he'd heard something vaguely familiar. He couldn't quite pin it down, but the sound made him uneasy. Shrugging it off, he continued down the corridor.

Raised voices in the conference room redirected his path, and he hurried there to see what had his fellow JL'ers in an uproar.

-----

"Give it back, Wally. This little stunt has gone too far. Remember what happened last time?" Bruce glared at Wally from across the table. "You're the only person on this station capable of borrowing it. You can't use it for your little date – the remote is encrypted to me alone."

Wally flushed an angry red. "I don't have your Batmobile remote. Like I'd take a date out in that monstrosity. Lousy thing would probably eject her! I want to know where my address book is! I leave it in the top drawer of my dresser, and it's not there." He looked around. "There's a prank going on, but I'm a victim too!"

J'onn entered the room, followed by Shayera and Diana. "I am also a victim. Someone has taken my digital diary. My family pictures – my only family pictures – are in that device. I am normally a patient being, but this violation of my personal property will not be tolerated. Whoever took it, please return it."

Diana nodded, obviously struggling to control her anger. "One of my vambraces is missing. I don't need it to function, but they were a gift. Losing one is unthinkable."

Shayera didn't have Diana's calm. She swung her mace around, pointing at each of the heroes as she punctuated her rant. "My helmet is missing. One of you has taken it, and I'll tear this station apart looking for it!"

John Stewart snapped his fingers. "See! Someone is going into all our quarters and taking things. My Marine Corps ring is missing! I thought I'd misplaced it, but after hearing all this, I know someone took it. Someone fast and lacking in common sense." His angry gaze settled on Wally.

"Oh, so I'm the only person who ever takes someone else's stuff, is that it? Wally the speedy thief! Everyone guard your wallet, the Flash is coming through!" Wally returned John's glare, then looked around and realized that John's glare was being mirrored by everyone else in the room. He sighed. "Okay, show me where this could be considered funny, and I'm a prime suspect. Until you can connect humor to the act, I'm innocent until proven guilty."

Tempers continued to flare as accusation and counteraccusation flew across the conference table. Finally J'onn put a halt to it. "It appears that each of us has suffered loss. And if this is a prank, then tempers have blown it far out of proportion. I recommend we withdraw to our quarters and calm ourselves." He looked at Wally. "Except for you, of course. Your monitor duty begins in three minutes."

"Aw, man!"

Without another word (but with many sour glances), the Justice League retired to their quarters. J'onn waited until the door slid shut behind him, then slumped a bit. The emotional turmoil on the station had been trying on him, and he needed a respite. He sat at his terminal, intent on some personal research he'd been putting off. Sliding open his drawer, his hand reached for the pack of Oreos he'd brought up from New York after their last mission.

His fingers bumped the bottom of the empty drawer.

-----

Three hours later, the Watchtower intercom rousted everyone from their private diversions. Wally shouted from the monitor room, "Hey, you might want to check this out!"

The other members of the League hurried into the monitor room and looked over Wally's shoulder. J'onn's voice rumbled, "You know better than to go on eBay while on duty."

Wally shrugged. "Yeah, but I didn't start there. On a whim, I Googled the various things that we've all noticed missing, and your Oreos are currently for sale. Auction ends in six hours. If you want them back, you'll need to beat $47.39 plus shipping and handling."

Clark stared at the screen. He paled, and his finger shook as it pointed to the screen. "It can't be . . ."

"What?"

They all looked. The seller was ambushbug1138.

Clark turned and bolted from the room. "I'll kill him. I swear I'll kill him!"

Only Wally was able to keep pace with Clark as he headed for the transporters.

To be continued . . .

----- -----


	2. Chapter 2

This is an experiment. If you love it, thanks. If you hate it, it's all Dragonrider7's fault.

I don't own a single character in the DC Universe. Heck, I don't even own any characters in _this_ universe!

-----

Chapter 2

Ambush Bug sat in his office, feet up on the desk, laptop propped on his thighs. He checked his auction again. "48 smackers for some Martian-tainted Oreos Woo-hoo!" He tapped his chin. "Maybe I should have swiped a pair of Supe's scarlet britches. Bet the ladies would go nuts bidding on those."

Briefly he regretted turning the remaining items over to his new friend on Facebook, Carl Miles. In exchange, he'd received a lead on a missing dog case he'd been working for a month and a mint copy of The Killing Joke, autographed by none other than the Joker himself. The exchange, where he'd popped into the back room of a thrift store in Gotham City to leave the pilfered Justice League items behind, then received a phone call telling him to go to a certain warehouse where the items he'd requested were taped inside a manila envelope, had seemed slightly odd, but then he was new to Facebook and assumed that the trade was just another version of the ubiquitous snowball fight on the website.

Besides, a reason to bounce around the Justice League's satellite sounded like fun. Frankly, he was a little embarrassed that the idea hadn't already occurred to him. He was getting too distracted from the important things in life by his detective agency.

Irwin grinned suddenly. It wasn't too late to score a pair of Superman's briefs. Why the man wore them outside his costume, heaven only knew. Batman had the same odd habit. Maybe it was an old-school thing. The Flash and Green Lantern kept their underwear appropriately under their wear.

He stood up, stretched, and began humming the melody to the Modern Major General song. One of these days, he was going to look up the words. Then with a wink to Cheeks the Toy Wonder and a pop, he was gone.

It saved him from a nasty case of splinters as Superman smashed through his door seconds later. "_Irwin!!_"

-----

Wally scowled as he sat at the monitor. He'd been just as eager as everyone else to teleport down to Earth and nab this Ambush Bug character. Wally had heard a little bit about him. A two-bit criminal who somehow acquired a suit that allowed him to teleport wherever he wanted. According to the JL database on him, he was more annoying than menacing, though he had started his career as a supervillain with a murder and a number of random assaults. It wasn't until after he decided to become a superhero instead that he _really_ got on Superman's nerves. The overturning of Ambush Bug's murder conviction still amazed Wally. It seemed that no technicality was too small to allow a criminal out. Despite his guilty plea, the judge had ruled him incompetent to stand trial and he'd been taken to Arkham Asylum. Within a year, he'd caused so much trouble there that even the Joker had looked good by comparison. The board had unanimously approved Irwin's release, and his subsequent antics had been all the more frustrating because they were now protected under the same legal haze that surrounded superhero activities. Wally got the impression that Clark would rather fight a dozen Doomsday monsters blindfolded than spend five minutes around Ambush Bug.

Of course, from everything Wally had heard, Ambush Bug was probably someone he'd enjoy hanging around with in his off time. He decided to set aside an afternoon to visit the bug – if Clark didn't squash him first.

Wally had never seen Superman so irritated. He grinned. Meeting the bug was definitely on his social calendar.

The intruder alert came on again. This time the sensor in Clark's quarters was flashing. Wally activated the security camera and saw a slender fellow in a green bodysuit and long antenna rifling through Clark's dresser.

Wally was up and running.

-----

Irwin held the tights up. "Wow, Supes. Talk about buns of steel!" He glanced over his shoulder at his own backside. "Unlike me, Clark has no trouble keeping _his_ pants up."

The door opened, and Irwin almost had time to look up before a red blur whirled around him, spinning him off his feet. "AAAAAAAA! I'm gonna spew if you don't knock it off!"

Wally zipped back to the door, leaning up against it as Ambush Bug tumbled to the floor in a tangled heap of limbs and antennae. "I'm guessing you're the person snatching all our stuff."

Ambush Bug rolled over on his back and stared at the ceiling, willing it to stop spinning. "I needed it to trade for some information with a Facebook buddy."

Wally cocked an eyebrow. "Facebook? What's that – some sort of MySpace thing?"

Ambush Bug nodded. "Got it in one, Garibaldi. I use Facebook for some of my detective work. People who are hiding from twenty different law enforcement agencies don't seem to mind putting their info out on Facebook. But I'm hunting for a missing dog, and a new contact told me he could help if I got him a few souvenirs from your satellite." Irwin sat up. "Nice place you've got here. Bet the reception is great. You guys catch the last Superbowl?"

Wally smiled. "We do pick up a few channels. But you took our stuff and sold it on eBay! I thought you were trying to be a superhero."

Irwin frowned. "I only put Marvin the Martian's cookies on eBay. I'll buy him some more. Sheesh! Everything else is a loaner to my contact. He wanted those items for 24 hours. Then I get them back and return them to you. I wasn't actually expecting you to miss the stuff. I thought I was being discrete."

Wally sighed. "My address book maybe. Batman's Batmobile remote – I don't think so. And you really ticked Marvi – J'onn off. That's his photo album. It's all he has of his past." He pointed to the red bloomers still clutched in Irwin's fist. "I don't even want to ask."

Irwin grinned. "I've already borrowed a spare cape. This was an impulse purchase. If loony fanboys will spend 50 smackers for a half-eaten bag of cookies, you can just imagine what the ladies will do when they see _these_ on eBay! And it's not like he's hurting for skivvies – look!"

Wally peered in the drawer. Clark had to have at least two dozen of the scarlet briefs in four neatly folded stacks. "Maybe so, but that still doesn't mean you can just come up here and . . . ."

His voice trailed off. He was alone. It irritated him to realize that once again he hadn't been fast enough.

-----

Irwin reappeared in the Gotham warehouse where he'd made the initial drop. There in a box were all the items he'd borrowed, none the worse for wear. He took a quick look at the items, biting Green Lantern's USMC ring to make sure his mysterious trading partner hadn't pulled a fast one on him. One loose filling later, he popped away, leaving a couple startled rats as witnesses.

-----

His office looked more disheveled than usual. The demolished door also provided a clue that something was amiss. "Hello?"

Irwin frowned. Obviously Argh!Yle had struck, and only Irwin's cunning being-somewhere-else-at-the-time had spared him from the insanely vengeful sock's wrath. He really needed to sort that issue out sometime. Argh!Yle had been trying to kill him for over a year now over a slight back when Irwin had stumbled across the teleporting suit in a permanently diverted alien dry cleaning shipment and taken the teleportation costume without also adopting the now-sentient sock.

Irwin shrugged. What did Argh!Yle expect? No one with two feet needed one sock, and a tacky argyle as well. Eck!

With a sigh, Irwin brushed the splinters off his chair and sat down. Clarity of thought struck him like a speeding taxi rounding a corner. Why _did_ his Facebook buddy want all this stuff for just a day? And not even anything particular – just one item from each of the seven main members of the Justice League.

Something was rotten in Denmark . Irwin stood, grabbed the box of borrowed items, his trenchcoat and fedora, and disappeared.

Seconds later he reappeared, tossed the fedora back on the hatrack, pulled a splinter out from behind his ear, opened a drawer in his desk and removed another fedora. Then he was gone again.

To be continued . . .

----- -----


	3. Chapter 3

This is an experiment. If you love it, thanks. If you hate it, it's all Dragonrider7's fault.

I don't own a single character in the DC Universe. Heck, I don't even own any characters in _this_ universe!

-----

Chapter 3

Lex Luthor rubbed his chin thoughtfully as he waited for the DNA samples to be analyzed. He'd been trying to get his hands on some viable DNA samples of the core members of the Justice league for some time, but the task had been surprisingly difficult.

Then a Google search had brought him to Ambush Bug's Facebook page, and a new plan had emerged. Within two days, he'd earned the green fool's trust and had brokered a deal with him. The idiot used his teleportation technology to gather DNA samples from the Justice League satellite in less time than it took Luthor to type the request.

Of course, getting the items the Bug had wanted in trade hadn't been easy. He swore he would never speak to the Joker again. The man was positively unhinged. Only a promise that the Batman would be thoroughly annoyed by the project secured the required autograph on the possibly biographical Killing Joke comic. That a company was dramatizing the epic battles between the self-righteous superheroes and visionaries like himself was truly a new low in the entertainment industry. DC comics? DC stood for "Disturbed Cretins."

The machine in the chamber in front of him ground to a halt, and Lex waited for the red light over the door to change to green. The hatch swung open with a hiss, and Lex wrinkled his nose at the pungent aroma in the tiny room. A panel on the side of the machine slid open, and seven glowing crystals sat in the compartment, their soft yellow glow shining out into the chamber. Sligtly apart from the seven was a slightly larger eighth crystal. Layered on their otherwise smooth surfaces were nearly invisible circuits designed to focus the effects of the crystals.

Lex hesitated. The radiation sensors had swept the room with several different scans, but he was dealing with something new and possibly deadly. There were no guarantees that he wasn't being killed by the energy coming from these crystals even now. He stood for a moment, waiting to see if any side effects were manifesting. After a long minute, he smiled. Of course they weren't going to kill him. He created them, and he was the greatest criminal mastermind in this particular arm of the Milky Way. No mistakes had been made here.

He lifted one of the crystals from the compartment, noting the soft glow, the surprising weight, and the cool exterior. Looking it over, he saw the shield of Jor-El etched into one facet of the crystal. Checking each of them, he noted which crystal was designed for which hero. His plan was brilliant, but using the wrong crystal on the wrong hero would unravel it in a hurry. He loaded the crystals in a canister on his bandolier, then headed to the elevator. It was time to get going before the League managed to start tracing him. Batman's remote had surprised him. Of all the things Ambush Bug could have grabbed, that was the item most likely to have a dozen tracers built into its obsidian case. The laboratory was shielded from tracking devices by several means, but he'd still been relieved to get rid of it once he'd retrieved the necessary DNA.

Exiting the elevator, he walked down a long steel corridor ending in a massive hatch. Spinning the wheel, he felt his ears pop as the pressure in the hallway bled out into the country air on the outside of the hatch. Luthor stepped out and the hatch closed behind him, disguised as a rugged chunk of an otherwise mundane cliff face. He'd had this base of operations five miles outside Gotham's city limits for years, and part of him was reluctant to walk away from it. The batmobile remote clinched the decision, however. If the Justice League had the slightest hint that it was here, then it had become a liability. Tapping a stud on the bandolier, he listened closely. He ended up feeling rather than hearing the massive explosions underground as his lab self-destructed. Satisfied, he walked down the hill to a camouflaged lump just off the dirt road leading to the small town just over the horizon. Pulling the cover away, he revealed a shining black Maserati convertible. He pulled a duffel bag out of the back seat and quickly changed into a polo shirt and tan slacks. Dropping the sunglasses into place, he settled behind the wheel, started the engine, and eased the car onto the dirt road.

To be continued . . .

----- -----


	4. Chapter 4

This is an experiment. If you love it, thanks. If you hate it, it's all Dragonrider7's fault.

I don't own a single character in the DC Universe. Heck, I don't even own any characters in _this_ universe!

-----

Chapter 4

"Clark, come back to the Watchtower. We'll find this Ambush Bug and recover our stolen items. Perhaps we can press charges." J'onn's thoughts echoed in Clark's mind as he flew back and forth over Metropolis, scouring the city for any sign of the person that frustrated him more than any three other people he knew. The first two times he'd been up against Ambush Bug, he'd fried the tiny receiver bugs that provided destinations for the Bug's costume teleportation technology, rendering him a normal human in a slightly ill-fitting green jumpsuit with antenna. But a freak accident had somehow fused the technology to his suit, allowing him to teleport wherever he wanted. The suit had turned black for a while, but ultimately Irwin had discovered that it simply needed to be washed. Sadly, the teleportation circuitry proved to be quite waterproof.

"I'm almost done. He usually hangs around Metropolis, and he's been known to run around on rooftops. Though I might get lucky, but with Ambush Bug, there's no such thing." Ten minutes later, he finished his pattern, then arced up toward the gleaming dot in the evening sky that was the Watchtower.

Seconds later, he landed in one of the airlocks and waited for the chamber to pressurize. As soon as the inner door opened, he stepped into the corridor. J'onn was waiting for him. "Ambush Bug has returned the stolen items. Everything seems to be in order." The Martian Manhunter allowed a slight smile. "He even replaced my Oreos. He was actually wearing your spare cape when he arrived, but he removed it with no small show of reverence. I think he likes you."

Clark scowled. "And we have him sedated and in a containment cell?"

"No." J'onn blinked. He was a little overwhelmed by the intensity of the feelings Superman had toward Ambush Bug. Had it been anyone but Clark, J'onn would describe them as a symptom of homicidal dementia. "He teleported away before we could apprehend him. Wally actually had him in a bearhug and they both disappeared." J'onn's grin returned. "Wally just called requesting a teleport back to the Watchtower. It seems Ambush Bug dropped him off at the pit area of the Indianapolis Speedway. He's on his way back now."

Clark closed his eyes and grabbed the bridge of his nose. "Rao, give me strength. Do we know _why_ he took all these items, just to return them a day later?"

J'onn shook his head. "I tried to determine that, but his mind is . . . less organized than most. Something about a missing dog and a Facebook account. Nothing Wally hadn't already told us. It appears that someone wanted to borrow a number of items from the core members of the Justice League for a day. Perhaps an overenthusiastic fan? We have been seeing an increase in that phenomenon."

Clark scowled, thinking of one overenthusiastic fan in particular. "Have we found a way to keep him out of the Watchtower? Surely there's a way to block his teleportation device. It used to rely on tiny electronic receivers, so there has to be a carrier signal of some sort."

"John and Bruce are working on it, but it's not promising. The Watchtower's internal sensors never detected any stray energy readings, and Ambush Bug teleported inside the satellite several times." J'onn shrugged. "Do you know where he acquired the technology?"

Superman thought back to the day Irwin had told him about the rocket sent from a doomed planet with a scientist's wardrobe, a giant radioactive spider, and a crash landing on a Metropolis rooftop brought about by the damaged rocket's mistaking Irwin's television antenna for a coat hangar. "No. He hasn't told me anything coherent about that."

It was then that the alarm went off, and the pair hurried to the monitor station to see what was happening. Arriving, they found Diana already pinpointing the emergency. "We've got a bank robbery in progress at Metropolis Financial. Three bandits, each wearing some sort of power armor. They've ripped the vault doors off its hinges." She adjusted the monitor controls. "I've got a feed from the bank's security camera network."

The image shifted from an overhead view of the bank district to the vault. Three men were busy loading huge sacks with as much money as they could grab. Clark gasped. "That's Kryptonian armor! Where did they get their hands on _that_?!"

Clark headed for the teleporters. "I don't see any weapons mounted to that armor. It should be a simple matter to round these three up before they hurt anyone. We'll have our answers then." With a whoosh, he was off.

J'onn studied the monitor. "They don't seem to have taken any hostages. I believe this is a simple grab and run, though with a twist one wouldn't normally expect. They could sell that armor to a museum for far more than they'll get in this robbery. This seems wrong."

Diana frowned. "I don't see an escape vehicle. Let me back up the satellite feed." The image shifted and the clock in the corner of the screen jumped back fifteen minutes. "There!"

A large black van with the windows blacked out pulled up to the front of the bank and the armored trio emerged from the sliding door. After they stomped into the bank, the van quickly pulled away. Diana switched satellite feeds and tracked it until it drove into a tunnel. She wasn't able to find it emerging at the other end. "What kind of getaway driver leaves without the robbers or the money? And he didn't take a normal escape route – he went straight for that tunnel. It's like the driver knew we'd be trying to track him from here."

J'onn's eyes widened. "Those aren't bank robbers! They're _bait_!" J'onn concentrated. "Clark ! Watch out! Someone's trying to lure you into a trap!"

-----

Clark landed outside the bank just as the robbers were stepping outside. "Pardon my asking, but who's your tailor?"

The thieves turned around. "Superman!"

Clark smiled. "Oh, so you recognize the fellow who was guaranteed to show up and ruin your day when you dressed up like this? Good. Now are you going peacefully, or do I have to peel you out of those suits, because I'd really prefer to recover them undamaged if possible."

The thug closest to Superman snarled. "These are from Krypton, Supergoon! You can't touch us!"

Clark sighed. "I can't touch _kryptonite_. The alloys used to make those fashionable musclesuits – I can wear it if I like. But just for fun, let's see if you are as durable as your armor." He sucked in a quick breath, then blew it out, hurling the trio into the front of the bank. The grunts of pain were music to his ears. They had no idea that the suits had internal shielding that would protect them from impacts. They were all going to be sporting major bruises in their cells tomorrow.

He stepped forward and lifted the nearest robber off his feet. "Now I'm through being nice. Tell me where you got this armor."

The thief's eyes bugged out. "The bald guy who hired us to hit this bank gave it to us. Said we'd be as strong as you. Never said anything about us getting slammed around like eggs in a tin can. We give!"

Clark scowled. Luthor? This made no sense. Luthor was above simple bank heists, and sending these men with Kryptonian armor had assured his intervention.

Clark's eyes widened. Luthor _wanted_ him to fight these three!

A panel opened on the thief's leg, and a small yellow crystal fell out. Clark had just enough time to register the Superman logo etched on one facet before the jewel let out a blinding flash.

When the light faded, the sidewalk in front of the bank was empty. Superman and the three criminals were gone.

To be continued . . .

----- -----


	5. Chapter 5

This is an experiment. If you love it, thanks. If you hate it, it's all Dragonrider7's fault.

I don't own a single character in the DC Universe. Heck, I don't even own any characters in _this_ universe!

-----

Chapter 5

"Play that back! What happened?"

J'onn was uncharacteristically emotional, but Diana wasn't surprised. As far as they could tell, Clark and the bank robbers had just been disintegrated. Her fingers raced across the monitor controls. Within three seconds, they were staring up at a frozen image of Clark holding the robber off his feet.

Diana advanced the footage frame by frame. "There – on his leg!" She zoomed in. They saw a panel half-open on the thief's right thigh. A pale glow was emanating from inside the compartment. The next frame showed the panel completely open and a small crystal falling to the pavement. The gem was obviously the source of the glow. Diana frowned. "What _is_ that?"

J'onn shook his head. "I don't know." He stepped over to another terminal and began running the satellite feed data through the computers. "It's an unusual radiation signature. Harmless enough. The thieves weren't even being exposed to something that could give them a sunburn."

Diana advanced the video. They watched as Clark looked down, then the next frame was completely white as the gem emitted a massive burst of radiation.

J'onn analyzed the data. "The power of the gem's output went off the scale, but the radiation was still not dangerous to any living tissue. It shouldn't have harmed them." He cross-referenced the pattern. "It's a teleportation device! They were all spirited away. No wonder the van that dropped them off didn't wait for them. They had their exit ready. All they were waiting for was Superman."

Diana wasn't so certain. She rewound the images again. "Look at the expression on that thief's face. He certainly doesn't look like this was part of the plan. Could they have been dupes?"

J'onn nodded. "The man is genuinely frightened. It doesn't appear that he did anything to trigger the release of the crystal. This was someone else's plan. He was just a pawn. But who is on the other side of the chess board?"

An alarm cut into their thoughts. Diana called up the signal. "We've got an alarm in Japan. The bullet train's tracks have been destroyed just south of Tokyo. They don't have time to stop the train. In 30 seconds it will derail at 200 miles an hour."

J'onn ran for the teleporters. "Tell Wally and John to meet me there. Have Wally evacuate the train if he can't fix the tracks."

Diana turned back to the monitor. The train was trying to slow down, but the wrecked track was too close. With 22 seconds to go, she spotted the telltale scarlet blur that announced Wally's arrival.

-----

Wally passed the train in a heartbeat, noting the terrified faces in the windows. The brakes were on hard, and all through the train drinks, books, and standing passengers were beginning to fly forward. Before a single drop escaped a single glass, Wally was already a mile ahead examining the damaged tracks.

Steel was twisted into abstract art, and several supports were either missing or too damaged to support the train. It was a job for Superman or Green Lantern, and neither of them had arrived. It was time for Plan B. Wally raced back to the train, darted into the locomotive, and began smashing windows and tossing people out. Within five seconds, the entire train was evacuated and a string of flying people too surprised to even suck in a breath and scream were tumbling away from the train. As soon as Wally made sure the train was cleared, he raced outside and began snatching the crew and passengers out of the air, bringing them to a small hilltop a half mile away. He didn't envy them the sore muscles his rapid evacuation caused, but he doubted they would have preferred to stay on the train.

He was grabbing the third to last passenger when he noticed that the man was clutching a glowing crystal with a lightning bolt etched into it that matched the one on his chest. Then it flashed, and Wally's world went white.

-----

J'onn spotted the burst of light as he and Green Lantern flew to the scene. He managed to catch the last two people that Wally had thrown, but there was no sign of the Flash or the man he'd been about to catch. Further down the tracks, the locomotive smashed through the wrecked tracks and began to tumble end over end, dragging several passenger cars with it. John swooped in and created a massive green wall that kept the train from destroying a tiny village just off the tracks. The train piled up as car after car rammed into the growing pile of twisted steel.

When the last car crunched into the mountain of crumpled bullet train, the deafening screech of the wreck finally subsided. John waited for the pile to stop shifting, then let the green wall fade and flew over to where J'onn was standing with the train passengers and crew. "Wow! What happened here?"

J'onn looked at the pile of wreckage. "A trap, John. A trap for Wally."

To be continued . . .

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	6. Chapter 6

This is an experiment. If you love it, thanks. If you hate it, it's all Dragonrider7's fault.

I don't own a single character in the DC Universe. Heck, I don't even own any characters in _this_ universe!

-----

Chapter 6

The five remaining members of the Justice League stood around the conference room table. They had just watched the satellite footage of the disappearances of Superman and Flash. J'onn was the first to speak. "The device appears to be identical in both instances. While we don't have a good picture of the device that was used on Wally, the radiation signature is a perfect match. This is not a coincidence. Someone intentionally staged events that drew Clark and Wally into a trap. In both cases, the person who actually held the device didn't seem to know what was going on. The thief at the bank clearly had no idea the crystal was even in his armor. The man from the train looked terrified as he flew – he wasn't expecting to be saved. Yet he was holding the device. Why?"

Shayera thought for a moment. "More than likely someone gave it to him and told him to hold onto it. When the brakes went on, he gripped it tighter as a reflex. That's why he didn't lose it when the Wally threw him."

Bruce scowled. "Someone is playing us for fools, and we're falling right into it. Someone who can get their hands on Kryptonian armor. Someone who knew only Wally would be able to get to the train in time." He thought for a moment. "What's the latest we have on Lex Luthor? It's been a while since we've had any trouble from him."

Diana shrugged. "Nothing even remotely traceable to him for over a year. He's been content to run Lexcorp and file civil actions against us in the hopes of eventually finding a sympathetic judge."

Bruce snorted. "Over a year? That's a new record of civil obedience from our favorite hair-challenged mastermind. I think we should make him our prime suspect."

John nodded. "Makes sense. Luthor has a thousand scientists working for him. I can imagine that they might have come up with these crystals."

J'onn agreed. "This is indeed possible, and Lex is one of the few people in the world with the technology and the desire to do this. But we need to be ready for more attacks. And we need to find Clark and Wally. They were teleported somewhere, and rescuing them is a top priority."

Bruce stood. "And continue the trend for being right where they want us? It's obvious that we're supposed to go rushing off to save them. Until we can counter that teleportation device, we're asking to be caught. The priority should be to analyze the energy signature and develop a defense against it. Otherwise we'll end up right next to Clark and Wally, and not in a position to rescue them."

Shayera banged her fist on the conference table. "So what would you have us do, Bruce? Forget about Clark and Wally until we know everything about this weapon? Cower in fear in the Watchtower? These are our friends. I won't sit around waiting for your detective hat to give you the clues to figure this out. We need to find them and free them now!"

Bruce glared at her for a second, then scanned the room and saw matching expressions on Diana and John. Only J'onn was unreadable as usual. "Fine. You want to jump into the next trap being set for us, you go right ahead. You don't need me for that." Drawing his cape around him, he stormed out of the conference room and headed for the teleporters.

He had set the coordinates and was about to step onto the pad when J'onn and Diana arrived. J'onn attempted an apologetic smile. "I understand, Bruce. I don't agree with you, but I understand. Keep in touch with us. If we find them, we'll let you know. If you find anything out, let us know." He extended a hand.

Bruce looked at it for a second, then stepped off the platform, brought his own hand out of the shadows of the cape and shook J'onn's. "I'll do that. You and Diana try to keep those hotheads from getting in trouble."

Bruce and Diana locked eyes for a moment, then Bruce stepped back onto the pad. J'onn activated the teleporter, sending Bruce down to the Batcave.

J'onn and Diana stood there for a second, neither knowing just what to say. When the alarm went off, it was almost a relief.

To be continued . . .

----- -----


	7. Chapter 7

This is an experiment. If you love it, thanks. If you hate it, it's all Dragonrider7's fault.

I don't own a single character in the DC Universe. Heck, I don't even own any characters in _this_ universe!

-----

Chapter 7

"We have an airliner losing power over the Atlantic. The captain says he's lost three engines and the fourth is failing." John looked up from the monitor as J'onn and Diana arrived. "This is a minor incident. I can handle this, but-"

"But I think we should all respond." Shayera crossed her arms, not in the mood for a debate. "These traps have been set individually. Perhaps if we go together we can trigger the trap without being caught."

J'onn wasn't so certain. Wally was caught before he or John had arrived on the scene, but they'd been close enough to see it happen. Had the timing of the trap been that well-planned, or had it simply not mattered? J'onn was missing Bruce's analytical mind already. "Let's compromise. John, you and Diana respond. Shayera and I will remain here in case you need backup or another situation occurs."

Shayera opened her mouth to object, but a sharp look from Diana made her realize that she was outvoted. John and Diana hurried to the teleporters. J'onn sat down at the vacated monitor station. The Watchtower happened to be over the Atlantic, so they had a direct image of the ailing 747. The jet was rapidly descending, and smoke trailed from two of the engines. An infrared scan indicated that the number three engine was actually burning fiercely. It was debatable whether the jet would make it to the water 20,000 feet below or blow apart first.

Two dots materialized on the starboard side of the jet. They quickly separated, and J'onn zoomed in to see Diana fly under the fuselage. He accessed another satellite feed and spotted her bracing herself between the two engines as she prepared to halt the jet's descent. John dropped down under the right wing and assessed the situation. He aimed his fist at the number three engine and a green power beam shot out, surrounding the flaming engine. Within seconds the fire extinguished and John redirected the beam to create an emerald support between the engines. He dropped down to where he could see Diana and gave a nod. Both heroes began pushing up, gently at first to keep from punching through the wings and making things worse. Soon the jet leveled out, and John's voice came over the monitor speakers. "Okay, J'onn. We've got her out of danger, but we need a runway somewhere nearby."

J'onn brought up a separate display of the region. "There's an airfield on the Azores that you can use. Think you can carry that jet about 100 miles?"

John laughed. "We can bring this jet back to the Watchtower if you like. I'm just looking for a place where it can take off again when they get it fixed. I'm not eager to ferry this jet to another airfield tomorrow."

J'onn double-checked the information. "The airfield in the Azores is Lajes Air Force Base. The runway is more than adequate for that aircraft once it is repaired. It's an emergency landing field for the U. S. space shuttle." He checked the realtime map. "You need to head almost due south. You should see the main island in a few minutes."

"Got it, J'onn. No sign of our villain so far?"

J'onn expanded the satellite image. "Nothing so far. No one is within a 500 mile radius. Air traffic is light today. If you have a chance on the way, do you think you can inspect these engines?"

John's voice came back. "No need. I can see the damage. This was caused by a small explosive placed inside the engine housing. Either that or both engines on the starboard side blew out in the exact same location."

Diana added, "I'm not at a good angle to see the damage on the number 2 engine, but the number one has the same type of damage. This was no accident."

J'onn frowned. "Then you are almost certainly carrying bait for the trap. Once you get the jet safely on the ground, get back here. I'm notifying the authorities at Lajes – they can handle investigating the passengers."

John angled out from underneath the jet and looked into the windows. "_What_ passengers? The plane appears to be empty!" He flew forward. "I see one pilot. He's waving to me and tapping his headphones. I think his radio is out."

J'onn scowled. "Definitely a trap. Treat that pilot as a suspect."

Shayera chimed in. "We shouldn't assume he's involved. From what we've seen, the people carrying the crystals in the last two incidents didn't know what they had. If Wally hadn't been there, the second man would probably have died."

J'onn shook his head. "The train wreck was calculated to trap Wally. Whoever set it up knew he'd be the first one on the scene. With the Watchtower on the far side of the planet, the villain knew we couldn't teleport directly to the site. And they know we're on our guard. We can't take chances with this." He scanned the airliner's cockpit for signs of the telltale radiation, but detected nothing. "If he has one of the devices, it's shielded from the Watchtower sensors. Be careful about anything he might reach in his clothing or a container for."

"Standard procedure, J'onn." John's voice carried a hint of irritation. He'd never appreciated being told the obvious.

Diana's voice cut through the tension. "I see the Azores. Adjusting to approach the airfield." Wonder Woman and Green Lantern guided the jet down through the clear skies, finally setting the jet at the far end of an auxiliary runway. Emergency vehicles were already on their way.

The main passenger door on the jet opened, and the pilot leaned out and waved at them. "Hey! Can you get me down? I don't want to fire off an emergency slide if I don't have to, but I still have fire lights lit on my control panel. If this thing is still on fire, I'd like to put some distance between me and it!"

John and Diana looked at each other. John looked back at the pilot. "Hold on a second." He shrugged. "We're 30 feet off the ground a hundred feet away. What can he do?" He aimed his ring, and a green staircase formed against the side of the jet.

The pilot hurried down the steps and jogged about 300 yards away from the aircraft before stopping. Turning, he waved to the two heroes. "Thanks!"

By now the rescue and military police vehicles had arrived. The crash/fire/rescue vehicles continued on to the airliner, but MPs stepped out of the two nearest Humvees and leveled M16A2 service rifles at the pilot. "On the ground, now!"

The pilot stared at them. "What? What's going on?"

Another Humvee skidded to a halt to the pilot's left. The passenger was standing up through the roof, aiming the mounted 50-cal at the bewildered 747 captain. "Down on your face _now_!"

Diana frowned. "Looks like J'onn isn't taking any chances."

The pilot was too frightened to move, and the Air Force security officers were getting edgy. John recognized a dangerous situation. Flying in closer, his ring formed a dome over the pilot. "Take it easy, guys. This fellow is about to pass out from the greeting he's getting."

A major looked up at him. "We're under order not to let this guy go anywhere or do anything until you take custody of him. Do you have him?"

John looked at the shaking pilot inside the dome. "I don't think he's going to give us any trouble. We just saved him from a long swim."

The major nodded, then signaled his airmen. Rifles lowered and everyone relaxed a bit.

Diana arced next to John, whispering, "Is this a good idea? We still don't know what happened here. That pilot doesn't seem too bothered by the fact that he was piloting a 747 with no crew or passengers. He didn't say anything about _that_ when he radioed for help."

John looked down at the pilot. "Hey, Top Gun. Where are your crew and passengers?"

The pilot grinned suddenly. His hand came out of his jacket pocket and he threw a crystal up at them. Diana darted away, putting 200 yards between her and the crystal in an instant, but John instinctively formed a wall to deflect it. It sailed through unhindered. John grimaced. "Yellow."

The crystal released a burst of blinding radiation when it got ten feet from John. When the spots faded from Diana's eyes, John was gone. Furious, she raced back to the pilot, her lasso whistling through the air as she roped him and yanked him off his feet before any of the security officers could fire a shot. In seconds, they were several hundred feet in the air. Diana glared down at the man. "Where is he?" Her tone of voice indicated that the man's non-falling status was in jeopardy. "What have you done with Green Lantern?"

The man was still trying to catch his breath, but he managed to chuckle. "You (huff) really want to know?"

To answer, Diana dropped 200 feet, letting the man freefall before snapping the rope taut. The pilot grunted as he bounced on the end of the rope. "(cough) I'll take that as (cough, cough) a yes."

Diana's eyes narrowed. "Yes. Do."

The man struggled for breath. "Happy to oblige." He pulled another crystal out of his pocket.

Diana frowned. "With my rope around you, you'll never get that thing close enough to get me."

The man smiled again. "Not necessarily." He touched the crystal to the rope.

When the flash faded, the Air Force troops stared up at the empty sky, wondering what happened.

-----

"No!" Shayera's voice was a whisper with the intensity of a hurricane. "This can't be happening!"

J'onn stared at the display for several seconds before answering. "Yes. It can, and it has. Four members of the Justice League have been captured by an unidentified foe in less than two hours, and we still don't know who, how, or why." J'onn sat silently, thinking. "Perhaps Bruce has ascertained something that we have not." The Martian Manhunter rose from the chair and walked calmly to the teleporters. Shayera followed, pausing just long enough notice the deep indentations in the steel edge of the console.

They matched J'onn's fingers perfectly.

To be continued . . .

----- -----


	8. Chapter 8

This is an experiment. If you love it, thanks. If you hate it, it's all Dragonrider7's fault.

I don't own a single character in the DC Universe. Heck, I don't even own any characters in _this_ universe!

-----

Chapter 8

Bruce glared at them both as they stepped off the batcave's teleporter pad. J'onn returned the glare. "If you are planning to say 'I told you so,' now would be the time to do so."

"The effort would be wasted," Bruce snarled, then turned and headed back to the cave's computer station. After a pause, J'onn and Shayera followed. Bruce sat down, then continued to grumble. "I think we all knew that this was going to happen. The difference is I planned for it. I gave Diana a bat tracer just before I left. For an instant I got a signal after she was taken. Care to wager where it came from?"

J'onn and Shayera stared at the map on the screen. Shayera sucked in a breath. "Lexcorp! Their research facility thirty miles west of Gotham." She looked at Bruce. "You're certain?"

Bruce didn't even grace the question with a look.

J'onn studied the map. "It's a very secure installation. Diana's transmitter was destroyed upon arrival?"

Bruce shook his head. "No – the signal was simply cut off. I think something is shielding the facility from our sensors. I can get partial imaging and infrared, but nothing that matches our missing heroes." He adjusted the sensors, tracking one individual in particular. "I do have a perfect match for Lex. Convenient that he's there. A busy fellow like him doesn't often visit the labs anymore."

Shayera smiled. "So we smash in the doors, throw Lex around a little bit, rescue our friends, and go home after dropping Lex into the waiting arms of the police. Excellent!"

Bruce let out a short, humorless chuckle. "Of course. He's trapped four JL members. He'd never expect us to find them and retaliate. There's no way he would have three more of those crystals waiting there for us."

Bruce's sarcasm stung, but Shayera had to admit his logic was sound. J'onn had to agree. "We still don't know anything about these crystals other than the fact that they need to be close to us or something we're touching to work. Since they can be shielded from us until they are used, we are in grave danger of being captured if we venture anywhere that Lex might anticipate."

Shayera clenched her fists. "So what do we do – hide in this cave until we figure out how he's doing this? I know there are other heroes out there, but I'm not about to sit this out."

J'onn looked at Bruce. "I agree that we need to be cautious, but inactivity is the same as surrender. What have you learned about the weapon being used against us?"

Bruce's expression hardened. "Not much. I've confirmed that it's some form of teleportation device, but I've detected a secondary radiation riding the main energy wave almost as an afterthought. But look at the footage of the abductions." He typed in a command and the screen split into four displays. "Clark is holding this robber off his feet with his right arm. Notice just before the flash, his left arm comes up to help his right. Looks like he was weakened all of a sudden."

Shayera frowned at the stopped video. "He could just be readjusting."

Bruce shook his head. "No – look at his right arm. See him flexing? He's straining to hold this guy up. And note the level of the secondary radiation. It spiked at the same time – it's not a coincidence." He started the video of Flash's abduction. "Again, as the radiation increases, Wally slows down."

J'onn studied the video. "Might he have been reacting to the light?"

"This was three milliseconds before any discernable increase in the visible light spectrum. For Wally, that's almost an eternity." Bruce stopped the video on an image of Wally in midstride. It looked like he was about to trip. "Wally is annoying, but he's not clumsy. Something else slowed him down. This wasn't a reflex."

"John's power ring shut off at the same time the radiation hit him. Granted, it was yellow radiation from a yellow object, but John almost appears to be doubling over. Why would he be in pain? The radiation is doing something that we're not seeing." He switched to the last seconds of Diana's capture. "She winces as the energy conducts up her lasso. She felt something. But none of our sensors are picking it up."

He looked up at them. "I need to analyze this data and run it through a thousand different cross-reference engines. It's boring and tedious work. Go upstairs. Alfred will see that you are properly fed. When I have more, I'll come get you." He turned back to the monitor, effectively dismissing them.

J'onn and Shayera walked toward the staircase that led to the hidden basement entrance of Wayne Manor. When they reached the basement, Shayera grabbed J'onn's arm. "You aren't really going to sit around Bruce's house getting pedicures from his butler, are you?"

J'onn shook his head. "Bruce is doing everything he can, but I believe that we must act immediately or we risk losing our friends permanently."

They headed up to the first floor, where Alfred met them. "Master Bruce has instructed that I provide you with whatever you may require."

J'onn began listing several items that they would need to penetrate the outer defenses of Lexcorp and make it to the main building complex. Alfred nodded as though the Martian were explaining how he wanted his coffee. Shayera just smiled.

To be continued . . .

----- -----


	9. Chapter 9

This is an experiment. If you love it, thanks. If you hate it, it's all Dragonrider7's fault.

I don't own a single character in the DC Universe. Heck, I don't even own any characters in _this_ universe!

-----

Chapter 9

The guard at the Lexcorp reception station looked up and blinked. Hawkgirl stood there, smiling. "I wish to see Mr. Luthor. Now." She patted her left palm with the mace she held in her right.

His hand was almost to the alarm button when she flared her wings and took off down the hall. "Mr. Luthor? Could I have a minute of your time?"

The alarm sounded and Shayera grinned evilly as a security door opened and several guards began pouring out. They were wearing standard Lexcorp jumpsuits and brandishing stun pistols. It would take a lot more than that to stop her. Arcing down, she slammed into the lead guard, shoving the entire group back through the door. Her fists rattled the teeth of the closest two guards before they could get up, then hurled two more against the far wall of the guard room with a flick of her right wing. The ceiling in the room was high enough to allow her some room to maneuver, so she took to the air, flying low enough to give another guard a swift kick in the chest.

By now the rest of the guards were back on their feet and trying to draw a bead on her. She whipped down in their midst, slamming her mace on the floor as she landed in a crouch. The shockwave knocked them all off their feet, and stray stun beams struck three more guards. Shayera spun in a quick roundhouse kick, her foot catching another guard in the jaw.

She heard heavy footsteps in the hall, and her grin widened. "Time to play with the big boys." A final backhand knocked the last guard out, and she shot back out into the main passageway.

A trio of guards in Lexcorp battle armor were tromping down the hallway. When they spotted her, they filled the corridor with a barrage of energy weapons.

Shayera laughed as she easily dodged the beams and slammed into the lead trooper, knocking him back into his comrades. "You have to do better than that, fellows. Thanagarians aren't pheasants. We fight back!" Her mace came down, crumpling the hip servos of one of the guards. She deflected two beams fired by the prone guard as the other two tried to regain their footing. She was on them in an instant, her mace making quick work of their power packs. The suits powered down, leaving the men trapped inside.

She heard a whine and rolled left just before a blaze of energy roared through the space she'd just occupied. Spotting the laser cannon protruding from a ceiling panel, she whipped her mace at it. The laser tried to track the mace, but failed to intercept the weapon before it tore through the gun housing, reducing it to a hideous chandelier.

More guards were coming, and Shayera swooped down the hall to retrieve her mace, then continued further into the building. Bruce had given her a map showing the fastest route to Lex's office. She continued to battle her way toward the fifth floor northwestern corner of the building.

-----

Lex sat at his desk, watching Shayera's progress on the security cameras slaved to his laptop. It never ceased to amaze him how powerful these heroes were. He'd underestimated them more times than he cared to remember, and even now there was a lingering doubt. But he felt certain that today he would triumph. After all, he already had four of them under lock and key. Soon he would add Hawkgirl to the collection, which left only the Bat and the Martian.

Mentally he chided himself. Using the word 'only' when dealing with either of those heroes was asking for trouble. He knew the hardest part of his plan still lay ahead.

The sounds of battle grew louder outside his door. Pressing a button on the side of his desk, he signaled for Melanie his receptionist to open his door, then seek cover. He grinned – Lex Luthor's personal receptionist had a list of skills that actually qualified her for most military special operations teams, but he saw no need to place her in harm's way today.

Shayera arrived so quickly that Lex barely had time to blink before he was hauled out of his chair by his lapels. Shayera stood on his desk, holding him several feet in the air. "Where are they, Lex?"

Shayera's face was so close to his he could have licked her nose if he'd been so inclined. Instead he smiled. "Who?"

Hawkgirl shook him. "You know exactly who. Superman, the Flash, Wonder Woman, and Green Lantern." She hopped down from his desk and walked over to a window. Smashing it with her mace, she turned him to see out to the well-trimmed grass five stories below.

He inspected the grounds with the air of a man who might call the groundskeeper to complain. "Oh, them. Don't you know where they are? Why are you asking me? I don't believe you have a contract with Lexcorp to track your personnel."

Shayera shoved him out the broken window and dangled him. "No more games, Lex. We know you brought them here. Where are they?"

Lex simply hung there, arching an eyebrow at her. "I can only assume that you have a very skilled attorney ready to defend your actions." His expression hardened. "Now put me down in my office while I'm still in a reasonable mood."

Shayera glared at Lex for a long moment, the thought of dropping him sparring with her responsibilities as an Earth superhero. Finally Justice League won out over Thanagarian training, and she pulled him back in the shattered window and hurled him against the far wall with a growl.

Lex grunted as he slowly got up. "The Justice League will be getting my chiropractor's bill." He strode to the phone on his desk and pressed a button. "Melanie, please issue a visitor's pass to Hawkgirl and clear the halls from my office to Lab 15-C."

"Yes, Mr. Luthor."

Lex dusted his sleeve, then gestured to the open door. "If you would join me, perhaps I can help you find your missing friends." Without waiting, he left the office.

Shayera hesitated. Lex was never flustered, but he seemed far too comfortable for a man who was just dangled out of a fifth story window. She hadn't surprised him at all. It was obviously a trap. Under her voice, she said to no one in particular, "Are you still with me, J'onn? I doubt Lex is taking me to the cafeteria for tea and cookies."

"I'm right behind you." J'onn's voice was a whisper behind her.

Shayera hurried to catch up with Lex.

-----

They entered the lab, stepping through a heavily-reinforced steel door. Shayera eyed the six-inch thick lab door as it swung shut with a hiss of hydraulics. She could knock it off its hinges with a couple well-placed blows of her mace, but she wasn't interested in testing the theory. "What sort of experiments do you conduct here, Lex?"

Lex grinned. "We do a number of experiments down here. Some of them with highly volatile subjects. Containment is a priority."

Shayera looked around the lab. There was almost no lab equipment. A lone computer station was mounted to one wall. A ten-foot square chamber was sectioned off from the main room with six-inch glass. In the room was a plain oak cabinet. Shayera grabbed Lex by the collar and half-marched, half-carried him into the chamber. "Open it!"

Lex shrugged. "As you wish." He reached up and swung the cabinet doors open, then quickly stepped back. The cabinet's interior was covered in radiation shielding. The only thing inside the cabinet was a rack holding seven of the glowing crystals they had seen in the previous abductions. Before she could react, two of them let out a blinding flash.

Lex blinked the stars away. He'd seen video clips of the crystals in action, but hadn't expected the glow to be so intense. He touched the signal scrambler he wore under his shirt, pleased that it had protected him from the effects of the crystal's field. Walking over to the cabinet, he lifted one of the crystals from the rack and examined it. A darkened area in the heart of the crystal indicated that it now contained the person whom it had been designed to capture. He literally held Hawkgirl in the palm of his hand.

As he returned it to the rack, he noticed something he hadn't expected. Looking at the crystal designed to contain the Martian Manhunter, he saw a similar darkening in the center. Could it be he caught them both at once?

Lex hurried to the computer station and called up a playback of the security recording of Hawkgirl's capture. He suppressed the urge to laugh. Not one, but two crystals lit up when he opened the doors to the cabinet, and for just an instant the outline of the Martian Manhunter appeared next to Hawkgirl before the crystals claimed them both. Even the Martian's vaunted invisibility hadn't saved him.

Lex tempered his satisfaction by reexamining the cabinet's contents. One crystal was still shining with no internal shadow. Until the Batman was captured, he knew that his plans were still very much at risk.

He closed the cabinet and headed back to his office, eager to see if he could anticipate Batman's next move.

To be continued . . .

----- -----


	10. Chapter 10

This is an experiment. If you love it, thanks. If you hate it, it's all Dragonrider7's fault.

I don't own a single character in the DC Universe. Heck, I don't even own any characters in _this_ universe!

-----

Chapter 10

Bruce snatched his headphones off and hurled them across the Batcave. The screen in front of him continued to flash 'Signal Lost.' The mini camera he'd convinced J'onn to wear had given him a front-row seat for Shayera's rampage and Lex's guided tour to the lab where the mysterious crystals were kept. Then the crystals had begun to glow and the transmission was interrupted.

He rewound the recording and watched it frame by frame. The doors swung open, and the chronometer showed 14:22:07:61. By frame 14:22:07:83 two of the crystals were beginning to increase their output. Reaction time was just over two tenths of a second – not a lot of time to counter the attack.

Bruce noticed that each crystal had a hero's symbol on it. He also noticed that the crystals marked for Superman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, and Flash were somewhat darker than the other three. And he noticed the etched bat symbol on the remaining undimmed crystal.

Luthor was coming for him next.

He let out a long sigh. The crystals appeared to operate automatically. Mere proximity to their assigned target seemed to be the only requirement. From his review of the capture of Diana and John, that distance was somewhere in the neighborhood of ten feet. As small as the crystals were and as easy as it appeared to be to shield their radiation until the moment they were used, that ten feet might as well be a mile.

Not to mention that he'd have to get within inches of the crystal designated for him in order to recover one of the other six to analyze. He already had the batcomputer deciphering the circuits he could make out from the camera images, but there simply was too little to go on.

Still, he knew exactly where they were, and he knew some of the operating parameters and limitations. Given time, he would be able to beat this. The question was whether Luthor would give him that time.

Bruce fired up a second computer and started analyzing the radiation. If he couldn't invent a device that countered the radiation, then his chances of rescuing the rest of the Justice League were almost nil.

-----

"Here's your dog, kiddo!" Ambush Bug grinned as the girl snatched the Jack Russell Terrier out of his hands and hugged it. The Facebook friend's information had been right on. The dog had been kept in the back yard of another kid several blocks away. Apparently he'd gotten loose one evening and ran several blocks before being caught by the neighborhood bully. The kid actually had an eBay auction pending to sell the dog.

Irwin smiled as he wondered how long the kid would hide behind the billboard on the eastern Metropolis city limits before he decide to overcome his embarrassment at being in his underwear and flag down a passing car. Like revenge, justice was also a dish best served cold. But he figured the kid was probably almost completely air-dried by now. The dunk in the lake had only lasted a few seconds.

The girl put the dog down, then reached up and hugged Irwin. He returned the hug, then stood and pointed at the dog. "You keep her on a tight leash. Next time you might not have the luck you had this time. There are a lot of dangerous socks out there!"

He disappeared before the girl could respond.

Reappearing in his office, he tossed his fedora on the desk and sat down. Grabbing the first working pen he could find, he opened a brand new spiral notebook. In big capital letters he wrote "CRIME LOG" across the top of the first page. Then he wrote a short account of the search for the dog and the rescue operation and punishment of the dire twelve-year-old villain. eBay indeed!

Ambush Bug's antenna twanged as he realized that he still hadn't put Superman's scarlet briefs up on the internet auction block. He turned his laptop on and waited for it to boot up. Looking at the red material on the corner of his desk, he shook his head and smiled. That little piece of clothing represented two months rent on his office, something that was going to come due soon. The dog rescue caper really hadn't paid all that well, though the grape Jolly Rancher had been tasty.

A sudden idea hit him. If Superman actually _autographed_ those briefs, Irwin would probably be able to _buy_ the office and the building it was in. And he knew Superman would be happy to help his buddy Ambush Bug out with such a little thing.

He stood, cracked his neck, then staggered to the kitchen to make himself an icepack. Twenty minutes later he was off to the Watchtower, Superman's briefs clenched in his fist.

-----

Ambush Bug appeared in the monitor room of the Watchtower. "Miss me?"

The empty room failed to respond. Irwin frowned. "Off to the loo? Someone is usually sitting here watching the planet rotate. Hello?"

Irwin began to search the satellite. He peered under the stall door in the bathroom. He poked his nose in the refrigerator in the kitchen. He almost got tangled up in the machinery that opened and closed the main cargo bay doors. "Now that's just rude. They're probably having a party and didn't invite me!"

He fumed for a bit, then sat down at the monitor station and pecked at the keyboard. The system promptly locked him out.

Irwin sighed. "I'm not feeling a lot of love right now."

With a harrumph, he popped into Clark's quarters. "Wonder if Supey has any magazines. Maybe I can learn about the latest hairstyles on Krypton." He looked around. Superman's quarters were sparsely decorated. "You'd think he'd at least have a copy of the Daily Planet lying around."

Then he spotted a picture of Clark's adopted parents, and a smile spread across his face. "I bet Ma and Pa Kent can tell me where Clarkey has gotten off to." With a pop, he was off.

-----

"I-I'm not certain where Clark is right now. Isn't he in Metropolis?" Martha Kent looked uneasily at her husband. "He didn't say anything about having to travel anywhere."

Irwin took another sip of tea, then set the china cup down on the coffee table. "Aw, c'mon! It's me – Ambush Bug! Superman's crime-fighting partner! We fought Kobra together once. Of course, I was him and he was me, and . . . well, that's all water over the bridge. But seriously – you can tell me."

Jonathan sighed. "It's okay, Martha. Clark told me about Ambush Bug. He's relatively harmless. Annoying, but harmless." He turned to Irwin. "I don't know where Clark is, Mr. Bug. He usually checks in with us once or twice a week, and he called yesterday, so we don't know anything about why you wouldn't be able to find him. He _is_ a busy man."

Ambush Bug nodded. "Yeah, always on the go. Hard to keep up with those solar-powered kids. Oh, well." He finished his tea. "Next time you see him, tell him AB says howdy!" He bowed slightly, then disappeared.

"Our son once told me that idiot started out as a wannabe supervillain." Jonathan shook his head. "Clark liked him better that way."

-----

Irwin looked up from the bottom of the white marble steps at the angry queen. Surrounding him were twenty Amazons, all brandishing spears. Irwin smiled. "Hey! You know where I can find Wonder Woman? I was trying to find a party that she might be attending. She can help me track down Superman."

Hippolyte stepped closer. "What sort of foolish mortal are you that you dare to set foot on this sacred island?"

"Me? I'm Ambush Bug!" He waited for a second, then his shoulders drooped. "You mean she never told you about me? I'm definitely persona non grata." He looked at the spearpoints inches away. "You really need to rethink this whole warrior's greeting thing. It's a spiffy Greek motif, but I'm betting that there are any number of personal injury attorneys that are drooling in their sleep right now and have no idea why." With a pop, he was standing next to a startled Hippolyte. "But I really am looking for Wonder Woman. Based on the local fashion, I know she at least shops here."

The Amazons rushed up the stairs, but Hippolyte stopped them with a gesture. She stared at Ambush Bug for a long moment. "I felt her distress earlier today, then nothing. Even the Oracle has not been able to find her. If you seek to rescue her, then you have my blessing, strange one."

Irwin grinned. "Hey, I'm a superhero detective. Finding missing things is what I do! I found a dog just this morning!"

Hippolyte blinked. "A . . . dog?"

"Yep! Rescued him from a rogue sixth-grader with an eBay account. Not as exciting as fighting that giant koala bear, but it paid better." Irwin shook off the memories. "I'll be in touch. Don't leave town!"

He popped away before the bewildered queen could respond.

-----

"Don't move, Buggy! Don't know why you're here, and don't care! You are _not_ borrowing my DVD collection again." Cyborg kept his arm cannon aimed at Ambush Bug's chest.

Irwin raised an eyebrow. "You're still fussing about that? I thought I took care of that problem last year."

"If by taking care of it you mean you signed me up for the Columbia House DVD of the Month club, then I have yet another reason to shoot you." Cyborg brought a second cannon to bear. "I've been telling them I didn't want to be a member for ten months now."

"You gotta admit, we've gotten some great movies in." Beast Boy hopped onto the couch across from Ambush Bug.

Cyborg snorted. "Yeah – 'When Animals Attack: Midwest Edition.' I'm all about $29.95 plus shipping for that."

Irwin rubbed his forehead. "You know that you send back the ones you don't like, right? Just stuff it back in the postage prepaid envelope. A few days later they send you the next one on the list."

Cyborg rolled his eyes. "That's Netflix, you idiot."

Raven entered with Starfire. She spotted Irwin and her eyes narrowed. "Oh, I see you are back." She looked at Cyborg. "And relatively unperforated. Are you waiting for a better shot, Cyborg?"

Robin entered before Ambush Bug could answer. He stopped when he saw the green-suited detective. "Why are you here?"

Irwin grinned. "Wanted to find Superman. Figured someone here would know where he was. Doesn't he have like a million fans out there trying to be him? I even donned the cape myself once or twice." His grin faded. "But I digress. I need to find the big guy. You seen him?"

Robin shook his head. "If Superman is missing, then this is news to us. I'm trained as a detective and can find a missing person, but you really need the greatest detective alive on this mission."

Ambush Bug's jaw dropped. "_Perry Mason_!?"

Robin grinned. "Close – I was actually thinking of Batman. He's the only one with enough detective know-how to learn where 'the Boyscout' might be. But in the meantime, let me suggest that you investigate Superman's enemies to see if someone overpowered him. After all, he doesn't routinely disappear, right? So maybe one of his arch-nemeses captured him. Make a list of suspects and check on them."

Irwin nodded. "Of course! Supes needs my help! That crazy Kryptonian is always getting himself into trouble." Ambush Bug thought for a moment. "Lex Luthor! Superman's greatest enemy! He's always been jealous of the Big Red S and his fashionably wavy hair." He grinned infectiously. "Hey! Wanna team up? We can rescue him together!"

Robin looked at the others. "I'm afraid we're not up to the challenge just yet. We might be available tomorrow after lunch. If you're still looking, drop by and we'll see what we can do."

Irwin grabbed Robin's hand and shook it vigorously. "Thanks, buddy. I'll never make fun of your costume again!" With a pop, he left.

Beast Boy let out a long whistle. "You're still mad about that time Batman ditched you while chasing down Killer Croc, aren't you?"

Robin failed to suppress an evil grin. "Now why would you think that?"

Cyborg laughed. "Maybe because you sent that nut job looking for him. The Bat will blow a gasket!"

Robin just shrugged.

To be continued . . .

----- -----


	11. Chapter 11

This is an experiment. If you love it, thanks. If you hate it, it's all Dragonrider7's fault.

I don't own a single character in the DC Universe. Heck, I don't even own any characters in _this_ universe!

-----

Chapter 11

Bruce called up the results of the radiation analysis and swore under his breath. Whatever Lex had concocted, it was simply defying all Bruce's attempts to determine its nature. The closest he could guess was that the crystals functioned as both teleportation and stasis devices. Where the abducted JL members were was unknown, though the darkening of used crystals made Bruce consider the possibility that the gem was in fact also functioning as some sort of extradimensional containment cell. It would explain the fact that none of them had been able to escape.

Turning his attention to the problem of penetrating Lexcorp, Bruce found another insurmountable problem. Lex, in response to a previous raid of Lexcorp by the Justice League, had designed an energy shield that he could activate to protect the entire facility. Even the Watchtower teleporters couldn't get him in, and getting out would prove even more problematic.

Bruce called up the Lexcorp personnel records, looking for someone that he might be able to replace for a day. It had been some time since his last undercover operation, but Alfred was still quite handy with the stage makeup.

He heard a pop and the intruder alert siren almost simultaneously. Turning, he spotted Ambush Bug down on the platform peering in the windows of the Batmobile. His already grim demeanor darkened three shades more. This was a problem he didn't have time to bother with. He shut off the alarm as he rose to greet his unwelcome guest.

Irwin leaned close, trying to see through the tinted windows. When a gloved hand grabbed his shoulder and spun him around, he grinned. "Hey, Bruce! What kinda mileage does she get? I'm green, so by law I'm required to ask. Can it use ethanol?"

Batman scowled. Had this fool just called him by his first name? "How did you know?"

Irwin laughed. "Oh, please! The rear view mirror on this thing costs more than the annual budget of Pakistan – nukes and all! And that jaw is a dead ringer for the manly profile of Gotham's wealthiest girlchaser. You heroes kill me with these alter egos. Why not put a mask on the car, too? Or push a button to turn it into a Volkswagon! Doodoodoodoodoot – Inspector Gadget! Doodoodoodoodoo-doodoooo!"

Bruce turned away, a thousand thoughts running through his head. His identity was one of his most closely guarded secrets, and this idiot knew all about it. And Ambush Bug was about as discreet as a walrus in a funeral home. "What do you want?"

Irwin shrugged. "I was looking for Supes. He's difficult to track down most of the time, but today I can't find him anywhere. Checked the Watchtower, the Fortress of Solitude, Paradise Island, the Daily Planet, Teen Titan HQ – Robin told me to tell you howdy, by the way – Lexcorp, your-"

Bruce grabbed Irwin by the front of his costume, mildly surprised at how much loose material he snagged. The Bug was surprisingly slender. He recalled that Clark had once been stuck in Ambush Bug's body for two days after being exposed to red kryptonite. Clark had honestly worried that he was going to die of malnutrition before the 48 hours were up. "You were in Lexcorp today?"

Irwin nodded. "Just came here from there. Boy, are they grumpy. Looks like they were cleaning up after some sort of wild party. Saw a guy being pried out of some weird smashed up suit of armor. Looked like a limbo party gone terribly, terribly wrong. But one of the guards told me they hadn't seen Supey all day."

Bruce let go and hurried back to the computer station. He reactivated a hardline tap he had on the Lexcorp security cameras. His connection was limited – if he tried to access too many cameras, he might alert the security programs that would immediately shut him out. But this presented a definite possibility for a surgical strike at the very target he had been trying to get.

Even if it involved Ambush Bug.

Bruce forced himself to smile. "Irwin, would you like to help me out with something?"

With a pop, Ambush Bug was standing right next to him. Personal space had never been something Irwin had understood. "You mean it? I can work with Batman?"

Bruce nodded.

Ambush Bug disappeared, only to reappear seconds later wearing a bizarre department store version of Robin's costume over his green jumpsuit. "Ready!"

Bruce forced himself to turn to the computer station. Patching into the Lexcorp security camera network, he identified the room where the crystals were being stored. Activating the camera, he had a live feed of the room. The cabinet stood between two armored guards. He pointed at the image of the cabinet. "Can you teleport us into that room?"

Irwin studied the screen. "Easy as pie! Why? You want the cabinet?"

Bruce hesitated. Asking for Ambush Bug's help was one thing. Trusting him was quite another. "I just want to see what's in it."

Irwin threw an arm around the startled caped crusader. "Up, up, and a-_wait a minute_!" He glared at Bruce. "This isn't like the Lone Ranger sending Tonto into town to get the information, is it? I heard that Bill Cosby routine. Tonto no go to town!"

Bruce blinked, still trying to recover from how close he'd come to being teleported unprepared into a room with two on-edge armored Lexcorp troopers. "No."

Irwin grinned again. "Oh, well in that case it's time to go, my grim crime-fighting buddy!" A thought occurred to him. "You know, it might be easier to bring the cabinet back here. Over there good for you?"

Ambush Bug disappeared before Bruce could respond. He turned back to the monitor. Ambush Bug sat on top of the cabinet, smiling at the camera and giving an enthusiastic thumbs-up. Then he and the cabinet disappeared, leaving the two troopers to guard empty space.

"Whoop! Whoop! One cabinet suitable for framing!" Ambush Bug hopped down as Bruce approached. "It's a rather nice cabinet. Oak, or maybe ash. Note the filigree and the beveled edges – this could easily be a 17th Century Colonial piece!" He darted around behind the cabinet. "Ah, but here we see that we're simply dealing with a knock-off. Made in China – how sad. Thirty bucks, tops!" Stepping back in front of the cabinet, Irwin winked at Bruce. "This is the part where the Antique Road Show guy would open it up and find a lost Van Gogh inside!" Before Bruce could stop him, Irwin whipped the cabinet doors open. He had a fraction of a second to register several glowing crystals sitting in customized racks before one of them suddenly burst into a blinding display of energy. Ambush Bug's costume surged, as if teleporting him to the same location over and over. "Holy halogens, Batman!" Irwin slammed the cabinet shut and turned around, blinking the stars from his vision.

Bruce was gone.

Irwin looked around. "Bruce? Hey, Brucey! Where'd you get off to?" He turned and opened the cabinet again. Seven glowing crystals sat in their racks. None of them seemed intent on another light show. There was nothing else in the cabinet, though the inside of the compartment seemed to be lined with a thick metal.

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised. A fellow as loaded as Bruce isn't going to get all excited about seven rare glowing gems." He took one out and examined it, mildly surprised to see Superman's shield etched in one side along with tiny circuits that reminded him vaguely of the ones woven into his costume.

His head snapped up. "Rare. Glowing. Gems?"

He placed the gem in the cabinet, then teleported away, cabinet and all.

To be continued . . .

----- -----


	12. Chapter 12

This is an experiment. If you love it, thanks. If you hate it, it's all Dragonrider7's fault.

I don't own a single character in the DC Universe. Heck, I don't even own any characters in _this_ universe!

-----

Chapter 12

Lex watched the replay from the security camera. One instant, all was well. The next, that moron Ambush Bug was sitting – _sitting_ – on the cabinet built to contain the crystals. He even waved at the camera. Then the next frame showed only empty space where the cabinet had been. It didn't brighten his mood to watch one of the guards discover it was missing by falling over trying to lean against it.

The tracking device he built into the cabinet was still functioning, so he would soon have it and Ambush Bug back. He was very interested in learning why the teleporting technology seemed to ignore his shielding when even the mighty Watchtower couldn't penetrate it. From what he'd read on Ambush Bug's Facebook account, the suit was a garment that amusingly enough shared a similar history to his nemesis Superman. Of course, the Bug's tenuous grasp on reality made that account as reliable as any of the many explanations the Joker had provided for how he came to be the vile creature that he was.

His strike team leader's voice came over his laptop speakers. "Mr. Luthor, we have the cabinet. It's at the West 24th Street Pawn Shop. Ambush Bug sold it to the proprietor as a slightly used curio cabinet for plutonium knicknaks."

"The cabinet means nothing. What about the crystals and the Bug?" Lex felt a headache coming on. He had, with Ambush Bug's unwitting help, defeated most of the Justice League in one afternoon. But now that fool threatened to undo everything – while still not having a clue what he was involved in.

"The crystals are not in the cabinet. The owner of the pawn shop said it was empty when the Bug pawned it. He gave me an address for Ambush Bug. It matches the address the other strike team is hitting – Ambush Bug's detective office. Do you want us to secure the cabinet or back up the second team?"

Lex sighed. "Buy the cabinet for twice what he's asking and tell him to keep quiet about it. Bring it back to the lab. The second team is more than qualified to deal with Ambush Bug."

He cut the connection, then buzzed his receptionist. "Melanie, two Tylenol and a bottle of spring water, please."

-----

Irwin appeared in his office and found several grouchy-looking mercenaries brandishing weapons and digging through his files. His fedora collection was scattered on the floor, and Cheeks the Toy Wonder had been tossed in a corner.

He felt the barrel of a rifle press against the side of his head. "Freeze, bug boy. One move and I-"

The agent never finished his sentence. Both he and Ambush Bug disappeared. The other four agents looked around, worried. No one had told them that Ambush Bug might give them any trouble.

He reappeared, covered in snow. "Woo! That Antarctica is refreshing! A little brisk, but I like it!" He smiled at the troopers. "Who's next?"

Rounds from four automatic rifles shredded the wall behind where Ambush Bug had been standing. Before they even stopped firing, Irwin reappeared behind them and grabbed two of them around their necks. "Okay, okay! Buddy system it is!" They were gone before the last two could bring their weapons to bear.

Seconds later, Ambush Bug was back alone. This time he was dripping wet and a saltwater aroma filled the crowded office. He jerked a thumb at the space where the two agents he'd snatched had been standing. "Those two are good swimmers, right? I'm pretty sure they could see the island, but I didn't think to check the current before I dropped them off."

He disappeared as more gunfire erupted from the now terrified agents. Appearing behind them again, he grabbed one by the earlobe. "I'm not certain, but I bet you've just cost me my security deposit. Let's go!" And they were gone.

The lone Lexcorp trooper backed into a corner, trying not to hyperventilate. He only had to wait a few seconds for Ambush Bug to reappear, this time covered in steaming mud. "Yellowstone is a tad warm right by the geysers, and that mud is no place to park an SUV." He slapped his hands together, flinging mud on the frightened agent. "So where have you always wanted to go?"

The trooper flung his rifle down. "I-just leave me alone! I can't swim!"

Irwin frowned. "Death Valley this time of the year? You're nuts!" He smiled suddenly. "And that tells me where to take you!"

30 seconds later, the guard was still trying not to hyperventilate. The straightjacket was firmly tied, and the small cell was quite secure. The other occupant of the cell was grinning at him. "I see he's arresting people again. Despite everything, I find that I like that little green man. Don't you?"

The guard nodded, sweat pouring down his brow. The Joker just smiled as he turned back to his sketchpad.

-----

Irwin was back in his office, surveying the damage. He sighed as he started counting bulletholes, then finally gave up and started filling them with toothpaste. Two tubes later, his walls looked a little better. The toothpaste actually blended fairly well with the stark white paint. He checked on Cheeks, but the Toy Wonder was no worse for wear. Picking up his fedoras, he stacked them and put them back in the big desk drawer, then sat down. "Obviously minions of the evil mastermind who now knows that I'm on his trail." He picked up a Lexcorp ballcap dropped by one of the guards and twirled it. "But who could it be? The list of Justice League enemies is ridiculously long." He tapped the cap against his forehead as he tried to narrow down the list, but finally gave up. Slipping it over the head of Cheeks, he sighed. "Nothing to do but interrogate them all! But I'll need a little more force of presence than I currently possess. And gadgets. Lots of gadgets." He looked at Cheeks, whose face was hidden under the Lexcorp logo. "Hold my calls, Cheeky! If anyone wants me, I'm on a case."

He popped away.

To be continued . . .

----- -----


	13. Chapter 13

This is an experiment. If you love it, thanks. If you hate it, it's all Dragonrider7's fault.

I don't own a single character in the DC Universe. Heck, I don't even own any characters in _this_ universe!

-----

Chapter 13

Reappearing in the Batcave, he looked around. "Hey, Bruce! We've got work to do! Superman is missing! And Wonder Woman! And everybody else!" He frowned. "And you, too?" He popped all over the cave, looking behind the giant penny, the animatronic T-Rex and the jumbo joker card. "He was just here! That evil mastermind snagged him right here in the Batcave – how the heck did he do that? Only a sinister genius could abduct Batman from his own lair!" He straightened. "I guess it's up to me to pull their fat out of the fryer!"

Ambush Bug teleported up to the mansion, where Alfred was busy chopping carrots for that evening's dinner. "Hey, Alf! We've got trouble, and I need to gear up and save the day. You wanna help?"

Alfred had been instructed to assist the members of the Justice League. To his knowledge, Ambush Bug had never been admitted to their ranks. "Are you certain you are at the correct address, Mr. Bug? Master Wayne generally approves charities through his office.

Irwin shook his head, then smiled and winked at the butler. "No, Alfie-baby! I need some very special gear. Something in black, possibly with Batman logos all over it. Something fashionably in vogue for Justice League rescues."

Alfred nodded politely. "If you will excuse me for a moment, I will contact Master Bruce to ascertain what assistance I am allowed to offer." He turned and headed to a private office down the hall, closing the doors behind him.

"If you get ahold of him, tell him that he's been kidnapped!" Irwin flopped into a chair by a suit of armor, then stared up at it. "Hey! How'd you get this gig? Security for Wayne Manor has to pay the big bucks. You guys take part-time help?"

The armor was silent.

Irwin grinned. "Wait. Are you guys like the Buckingham Palace guards? You can't move or talk unless something threatens the Queen?" He jumped up and made some faces at the armor.

The armor failed to react.

"C'mon! At least snore or something!" Ambush Bug leaned up on tiptoes and peered in the visor. Frowning, he lifted the visor and looked inside the empty helmet.

Just then Alfred exited the office. He was quite concerned that Bruce wasn't answering his call. The last time that had happened, he'd been fighting for his life against the Riddler's latest scheme. Bruce hadn't even told him that he was leaving the cave. Something was most definitely wrong. He knew that someone had abducted Superman, Flash, Wonder Woman, and Green Lantern, so Ambush Bug's claims rang horribly true.

Alfred made a decision that he suspected might get him in some hot water with Master Wayne. He spotted Ambush Bug balanced on a chair with his head stuck in the open visor of a priceless 14th century brigandine suit of armor. "Pardon me, Mr. Bug?"

Ambush Bug looked up, the helmet coming with him so he had to look at Alfred through the neck. "Hey, Alfie! You need to get this guy a shorter suit. I can't even _see _him in there!"

Alfred blinked. "I . . .of course, sir. I will address that oversight very shortly. But first, I will assist you with any equipment you may require."

Ambush Bug smiled. "I'll meet you downstairs, Alfie!" He popped away, and Alfred was barely able to catch the helmet before it crashed to the floor. With a sigh, he set the helm back on the armor and made his way to the Batcave.

-----

Alfred was just leaving the staircase when he heard the crash. Hurrying over, he found a large pile of spare utility belts with a pair of antennae sticking out of the top. Ambush Bug's head popped up and he glared at Alfred. "Are you kidding me? Overhead storage compartments in this cave? What – he's saving room for the entertainment center? With all the seismic activity in and around Gotham, you'd think OSHA would've given 'Master Bruce' a fine that would have him out on the streets in a borrowed barrel!"

Alfred thought for a moment. "I wasn't aware Gotham was near any fault lines."

Ambush Bug dug himself out of the pile, then selected two belts and threw them across a nearby chair, causing Alfred to wince. "Only more crooks with explosives than you can shake a stick at! Whose fault is that? Gotham's, Alfie-baby! Commissioner Gordon needs to get on the stick. That Batsignal should be hooked up to a disco ball and running 24/7!"

He pointed at the encased Batman suit. "I need to borrow that. I'm going to have to do a little undercover work, and I can't let the scum of Gotham know I'm Ambush Bug."

Alfred sighed as he unlocked the case. If Master Wayne was indeed rescued, he would be quite put out.

Ambush Bug slipped into the suit, finding it quite baggy. The cowl flapped against his cheeks as he tilted his head back and forth. "It's a perfect fit!"

Alfred watched as Ambush Bug strapped two utility belts over the sagging waistline, then started grabbing as many batarangs as he could carry. "Perhaps you would like a bag?"

Ambush Bug nodded. "You're a pretty handy guy to have around, Alf, m'boy! I'll put in a good word for you when I get Bruce back."

Alfred suppressed a shudder. "That's quite all right, sir."

Irwin dumped his armload of batarangs into the sack Alfred provided, along with three more utility belts. "Be prepared!"

"Of course." Alfred hesitated. "Is there anything else you require?"

Ambush Bug examined the bag. "Can I borrow the Batplane?"

Alfred paled at the thought. "Wouldn't the plane only slow you down?"

"You're right! Man, Alf – you've got it together! You should manage a hotel or something! You could be making the big bucks!" He shouldered the bag, staggering under the weight. "Keep the water on the stove, Alfie. I'll be back with the team before you can say Mxlplxt . . . Mxtply . . . Mxl . . . before you can say annoying little imp!" He popped away, leaving Alfred with a mess to clean up.

He stood there for a second. "Before I can say 'annoying little imp?'" He picked up one of the utility belts and placed it carefully back in its storage rack. "Ambush Bug. Ambush Bug. Ambush Bug . . ."

To be continued . . .

----- -----


	14. Chapter 14

This is an experiment. If you love it, thanks. If you hate it, it's all Dragonrider7's fault.

I don't own a single character in the DC Universe. Heck, I don't even own any characters in _this_ universe!

-----

Chapter 14

"Back so soon?" The Joker grinned. "I don't often get repeat visitors, Ambush Bug."

Irwin scowled. "I don't know what you're talking about. Ambush Bug isn't here. But I am. And I want to know what you've done with the Justice League!"

The Lexcorp guard just whimpered a little.

The Joker looked up from his sketchpad. "My, what big antenna you have, Batman. The better to feelers with?"

Ambush Bug quickly tucked his antenna back under the cowl. "It's a new experimental headset. I can pick up police scanners with these."

The Joker laughed. "Of course. Complete with a weak chin clad in green. Certainly the Dark Knight meets the Green Hornet, and loses a hundred pound in the process."

Irwin shrugged. "Slimfast has been good to me. So how about it? Where have you hidden the Justice League?"

The Joker spread his arms to encompass the entire cell. "Behind the padding on the walls? I'm afraid I'm a little short on Superheroes at the moment." He pointed at the guard cowering behind him. "I've got a slightly twitchy goon I'll let you have."

"Naah. Already had a set of those. No heroes, huh?"

Joker winked. "Only you, Batbug."

Irwin pulled his spiral notebook out of the bag. Opening it up to a list of villains, he crossed off the Joker's name. "Well, sorry to bother you. If you see any of the Justice League members, let them know I'm looking for them."

Joker nodded. "I'll do that."

-----

The Penguin stood in his foyer, examining his vast array of umbrellas. The occasion was a simple one – a walk through the park with Dovina Partridge, the woman who had been writing to him while he was in prison. He'd been able to visit with her briefly during a parole gone wrong. The Batman had arrested him, thinking he was back to his old ways. Unfortunately, his only real crime was employing ex-cons that couldn't get work anywhere else due to the draconian parole laws in Gotham . He'd fought Batman long enough to give his workers time to escape, but the parole board had thrown him back in prison despite a surprise attempt by Batman to come to his defense. But now he was once again paroled, and planning to make good on his promise to become an honest man. His legitimate wealth was enough to sustain him, and his love for Dovina overrode the urge to match wits with the caped crusader.

A popping sound behind him made Oswald turn. Batman stood there, scowling at him. Turning back to his umbrellas, he spoke through teeth clamped firmly on his cigarette filter. "And what do you want? Haven't you done enough damage to a man trying to do atone for past indiscretions?"

Then he blinked and looked again. Batman was almost a foot shorter, a great deal skinnier, and wearing a green mask underneath his cowl. He put his hands on his hips and glared at the new arrival. "Do I know you?"

"I'm Batman, Penguin. Surely you recognize the costume by now!" The voice was also an octave higher than usual.

Oswald nodded. "Of course you are. So are you here for a reason, or do you just like annoying me as much as the real Batman? I have a personal matter to attend to, so state your business and be quick about it!"

The shrunken Batman stepped forward and poked a finger in Oswald's chest. "The Justice League is missing. What have you done with them?"

Oswald felt his heart skip a beat. The Justice League missing? The opportunities that – he closed his eyes and slowly counted to ten as he willed the adrenaline surge to dissipate. He wasn't interested in crime sprees anymore, no matter what his body might be telling him. "I haven't done anything with them, nor do I have any desire to. I'm a model citizen now, and I'm not in need of their services. Or yours. If you'll excuse me." He turned back to the wall of umbrellas, looking for one that was formal yet festive. Preferably without any high explosives or poisonous gas. He doubted Dovina would approve.

Irwin stepped past him and stared at the racks of umbrellas. "Wow! That is a honking lot of umbrellas. This is Gotham, not Seattle . What gives with all the rain deflectors?" He grabbed one at random and peered at it.

Oswald shouldered past him and snatched the umbrella from hands before he accidentally set it off. "I am something of a collector, and these are all very unique umbrellas. Please keep your hands off!" He started to put the umbrella back on the rack, then examined it and decided that it would be suitable for the day's agenda.

Irwin looked around. "I'm going to have a look around, Ozzie." The pop as he disappeared was the final piece in the puzzle for the Penguin. Oswald ground his teeth, nearly biting through his cigarette filter. The audacity of this fool. By now he'd realized that the person in Batman's costume could be none other than Ambush Bug, and he knew that the best chance he had of salvaging his afternoon was to wait for the bug to get bored and teleport away.

Irwin reappeared, frowning. "The place is clean, and by that I mean you are either retaining a world-class maid or you are neurotic about dusting."

Oswald shrugged. "Both, actually. My maid complains that I don't leave her enough to justify her paycheck. I am a man of class, unlike someone in this room."

Irwin scowled. "Hey! I'm clean! I threw out my pizza boxes just last month! The ones since then don't count, because they're still storing pizza for me."

Oswald shuddered at the thought. "Are you quite finished?"

Irwin nodded. "Yeah. Looks like you don't have any JL'ers socked away. But I'll be watching you, Puffin-boy!"

Looking up at the bug, Oswald sighed. "Honestly, have you nothing better to do with your time? You seek the Justice League. I have neither the League nor advice on how to find them. Since I'm guessing that the real Batman is one of the missing members, perhaps you should light up Commissioner Gordon's fancy little flashlight and see if he turns up." He stepped past the imposter and picked up the mail sitting on the mat by his front door.

Irwin snatched the mail from the startled Penguin. "Aha! I bet you've got a ransom note in here! What're you asking for the League? 50 big ones? A hundred?" He scrutinized the mail, and a smile began to cross his lips. "These are addressed to 'Oswald Cobblepot' – is that you?"

Oswald grabbed the envelopes from Ambush Bug. "That is my given name. Why?"

Irwin snickered. "Cobblepot? Oswald _Cobblepot_? No wonder you're a criminal. You had to run home from school every day, didn't you? Cobblepot – bwah-hahahaha!"

Oswald fumed, forcing himself to pull his finger away from the trigger of the umbrella he was holding. "The Cobblepots are a long and distinguished family in Gotham. I'll have you know we came over on the Mayflower."

Irwin laughed. "Why? Were the Brits teasing your ancestors too much? Cobblepot, heh, heh. Oswald Cobblepot. That's rich."

He popped away, oblivious the barrage of steel darts that sprayed into the wall behind where he had been standing. Oswald shook with fury as he put the umbrella back and selected another one. He wasn't sure which had made him angrier – Ambush Bug's irreverence, the damage to his foyer, or the fact that with a few idiotic comments Ambush Bug had reverted him back to the mindset of a criminal.

He was most certainly going to be in a foul mood when he met Dovina at the park.

To be continued . . .

----- -----


	15. Chapter 15

This is an experiment. If you love it, thanks. If you hate it, it's all Dragonrider7's fault.

I don't own a single character in the DC Universe. Heck, I don't even own any characters in _this_ universe!

-----

Chapter 15

"Nice place you've got here. Very green."

Poison Ivy whirled around. She saw a familiar dark shadow at the other end of the garden. "Batman?"

"You've been a naughty girl, Ivy. Naughty, naughty, naughty." He stepped forward. "But I love what you've done with this place."

Ivy frowned. "Who are you? You're not Batman!"

Irwin stepped into the light. "Whaddya mean? I got the cape, the belt, the mask – I'm pretty sure that covers it."

Ivy sauntered forward, tracing Irwin's jaw with her fingertips. "I like your cape." She grabbed his belt and pulled him close to her. "I like your belt." She reached up and pulled back his cowl, freeing his antenna. "And I like your mask. But you aren't Batman,"

Irwin blushed. "Well, okay – you got me." He stepped back, pushing her gently away. "But I'm on business. Seems we've got a missing Justice League. Care to comment on that?"

Ivy looked concerned. "Batman is missing?"

"The whole team is gone!" Irwin looked around. "Someone swiped 'em! It's up to me to save them all!" He spotted a huge Venus flytrap over in the corner of the garden. "Is this one of those Day of the Triffids props? You're not one of those movie paraphenilia buffs, are you?"

Ivy walked over next to the flytrap. "It's an authentic replica of the aminatronic model they used for the movie. Come check it out."

Ambush Bug looked around. "Looks so real! I almost expect it to take a swipe at me." He stepped closer. "That thing is-"

The plant bit down, almost chomping Irwin in half. He reappeared ten feet away. "Oh, that is _so_ cool!" He tossed a batarang up at it. The plant snapped it up. "That's amazing! You get that on eBay? I've really gotten into that auction site lately."

Ivy smiled. "You'd better get out of here. You're upsetting Eunice." She stroked the flytrap, who was having trouble digesting the batarang.

Irwin looked around the garden one last time. "Unless you changed them into potted plants, I guess you're probably not keeping them around." He turned to go.

"Wait!" Irwin turned. Ivy smiled. "I really like your color, Ambush Bug. Don't hide it next time you drop by."

"Thanks! Green is the new black, you know." He flared the cape, then disappeared.

-----

Professor Freeze was enjoying a relatively peaceful moment outside his protective suit. The winds whipped across the frozen wasteland, but to Freeze it was a summer afternoon breeze. He took in a deep breath, then blew it out as he relaxed even more. Settling into his frozen lawnchair, he contemplated taking a short nap.

"S-s-s-s-s-sir?"

One eye snapped open. Freeze eyed the shivering Lexcorp trooper who had staggered to his campsite just a few minutes ago. "Are you still here?"

"I-I-I-I've g-g-g-g-got n-n-no-p-p-p-place t-t-t-to g-g-g-g-go!"

Freeze sighed, then gestured to his guard to fetch a parka for the trooper. "How did you end up out here? I always thought Lex knew better than to bother me when I'm away from Gotham. If he's got a scheme requiring my unique services, he certainly can use a better sales pitch than a lost minion interrupting my sabbatical."

The trooper accepted the parka, gloves, snowpants, and boots gratefully. After stamping about for several minutes to restore circulation, he smiled at Freeze. "Th-th-thank you, s-s-sir."

Freeze scowled. "You haven't answered my question."

"I w-w-was sent t-to a-a-apprehend Amb-b-bush B-bug. He b-b-brought m-me here!"

Freeze sat up. "Ambush Bug – here?" He reached over and grabbed his protective suit. He had never met the lunatic, but he'd heard enough about Ambush Bug's erratic behavior to know that being suddenly dropped in the Gulf of Mexico wasn't something he could rule out at the moment. As he suited up, he grilled the trooper. "Why were you after him? From what I've been told, he's a harmless annoyance. Why is Lex interested in him?"

Before the trooper could answer, Ambush Bug appeared, wearing a parka over the batcape. "Doctor Cold!"

"Mister Freeze, thank you. What do you want?" Freeze was still securing his protective suit.

Ambush Bug smiled up at Freeze. "I'm looking for the Justice League. Somebody put them on ice, and I thought of you."

Freeze arched an eyebrow. "The Justice League is missing?" He sighed again. What a time to take a vacation. "Believe me, if I had anything to do with the disappearance of the Justice League, would I be down here?"

Ambush Bug's jaw popped open and his finger shot up to emphasize his next point.

After a long pause, his finger dropped down and he frowned. "You know, you've got a good point there, Frosty." He scratched his chin. "Why would you be down here when the rest of the world is relatively unguarded unless you didn't know about it?" He smiled up at Freeze again. "My bad! You have a nice day now. Try to stay warm!" He popped away, leaving a whirlwind in the snow.

Freeze thought about cutting his vacation short and taking advantage of the Justice League's absence, but realized he'd be rushed and nervous the whole time. Since escaping that feeling was one of his reasons for his sabbatical, he decided to stick with his vacation plans and began removing his suit again. Behind him, the Lexcorp trooper stamped his feet and tried to keep warm.

To be continued . . .

----- -----


	16. Chapter 16

This is an experiment. If you love it, thanks. If you hate it, it's all Dragonrider7's fault.

I don't own a single character in the DC Universe. Heck, I don't even own any characters in _this_ universe!

-----

Chapter 16

Machine gun fire rattled into the sides of the first police cruisers to arrive at the scene. The front doors of Gotham Bank were blown wide open, and two of Two-Face's goons were shooting at anything that moved. In the bank, Two-Face watched as three more henchmen were cleaning out as much cash as they could carry from the safe. He tossed his scarred two-headed silver dollar in the air and caught it absentmindedly as he planned.

It was 2 PM on the 2nd. Gotham Bank, a favorite target of his, was unfortunate enough to sit on the corner of 2nd Avenue and West 2nd Street. As many times as he'd hit this bank, he half expected Batman to take up residence. But the caped crusader had yet to appear. Harvey was starting to get concerned. He'd set an elaborate trap for the Batman, but if the dark knight didn't arrive soon, Commissioner Gordon's men would force his hand.

Then he caught a familiar flicker of shadow in one of the many recesses of the vaulted bank ceiling. He snapped his fingers and pointed, and two of the thugs dropped fistfuls of cash and went for their guns. Prone hostages screamed as hundreds of rounds blasted into the architecture, sending pieces of plaster and mortar raining down on everyone.

The shadow appeared again, behind one of the teller desks. Two-Face redirected his men, and wood chips flew as the desk was shot full of holes.

"Whoa! Hey! I'm just here to ask a question!" Ambush Bug appeared near the ruined front doors, Batman's cape flaring dramatically behind him. He snatched the men keeping the police at bay. "You look like a couple of guys who might have some answers for me." With a pop, they were gone.

Two-Face dropped his silver dollar and scurried after it. Had the Batman just teleported? That changed everything. "Drop the guns, get the cash, and let's get out of here!" His thugs scrambled to comply.

Two-Face grabbed a bank teller from the floor, holding a gun to her temple. "Come out, Batman! Show yourself or this young lady takes a turn at the toss of a coin!"

Batman reappeared just long enough to grab the sleeves of two more henchmen. He grinned at Two-Face. "Hold your horses, Harvey! Gotta make a withdrawal while I'm here!" He disappeared, taking the startled thugs with him.

Harvey's good eye twitched. Either the Batman had lost a lot of weight and taken to wearing a green mask under his cowl, or he was dealing with an imposter. He didn't know whether to be relieved or concerned.

A few pops later, he was the only criminal left in the bank. Concerned – definitely concerned. "Fine, Batman – or whoever you are! Let's see what chance has to say about this young lady's future!" He tossed the silver dollar in the air, watching as it flashed in the bright lighting of the lobby.

"Free dollar!!" Ambush Bug appeared just over Harvey's head, snatching the dollar out of the air and disappearing before Harvey could react. Then he reappeared right in front of Two-Face and grabbed him by the lapels. With a pop, all three of them disappeared. Harvey's gun clattered to the floor.

They reappeared on a rooftop in Metropolis. Surprised, Harvey released the teller, who crawled away as quickly as she could in a skirt and heels. Ambush Bug lifted Harvey off his feet by the lapels of his jacket and dangled him over the edge of the rooftop. Harvey gaped at the bizarre caped crusader. "Who _are_ you?"

"I'm . . . I'm . . ." Ambush Bug's arms started shaking. "I'm about to drop you." He stepped back, dropping Harvey onto the rooftop. As the criminal caught his breath, Ambush Bug knelt next to him. "You've been a naughty boy, Harvey. Most ATM cards don't come in 9 millimeter." He reached down and gripped the lapel on the charred side of Harvey's suit. "But I can see where you might need the money, what with the current wardrobe and all. You're obviously too poverty-stricken to pull off the disappearance of the Justice League. Sorry to have bothered you." Before Two-Face could respond, they both popped away.

The teller stood up from behind the vent she'd been using to hide. "Hello?" She looked around for a few minutes, finally realizing that she was alone. "Hey, is someone coming back to get me? Hello?!"

-----

Ambush Bug and Two-Face reappeared in front of the bank. With a flourish Irwin shoved the criminal down the stone steps and into the waiting arms of the Gotham police. Irwin spotted Commissioner Gordon talking with a lieutenant and popped over. "Gordo! Long time no see!"

Gordon stepped back, his shocked expression quickly changing to one of suspicion. "Who are you?"

Ambush Bug grinned as he pulled back his cowl and winked at Gordon. "Well I ain't your friendly neighborhood wallcrawler, that's for sure. I'm helping Batman out right now. You can put up a Bugsignal if you like." He noticed that the police were leading the defeated Two-Face to a police cruiser. "Ooo! Gotta run a quick errand. Take care, Gordy!" That said, he disappeared.

The lieutenant stared at the space where Ambush Bug had been standing. "You think he's serious? He's Batman's new sidekick?"

Gordon shook his head. "If he is, then heaven help us all!"

The police were opening the door of the squad car when Ambush Bug reappeared. "Wait!"

Reacting to the Batman cape, the officers stepped back, leaving Irwin almost nose to nose with Harvey. "Got a little something to help you out, Harv. Don't say I never did anything for you." He slipped an envelope into Harvey's hands, then disappeared.

Harvey managed to open the envelope even with the cuffs on. He found his beloved silver dollar along with a ragged twenty dollar bill and a flyer for the local Salvation Army store. On the back of the flyer, Irwin had scribbled a short note. "They've got lots of $20 suits, Harvey. Here's $20 from me, and your buck can cover the sales tax. Best wishes – Ambush Bug."

It took four of Gotham's finest to wrestled the screaming villain into the back of the cruiser.

To be continued . . .

----- -----


	17. Chapter 17

This is an experiment. If you love it, thanks. If you hate it, it's all Dragonrider7's fault.

I don't own a single character in the DC Universe. Heck, I don't even own any characters in _this_ universe!

-----

Chapter 17

Ambush Bug appeared in Lex's office. A maintenance crew was busy removing the broken glass and repairing the window and door that Shayera had smashed. Irwin whistled. "You guys are really not taking Feng Shui to the level you could. That broken glass needs to be in the North corner."

Within three seconds, at least fifteen weapons were leveled at the bug. The supervising janitor said, "Down off the desk. Now."

Irwin frowned. "See? That much hostility from that many employees can only be an indication of sick building syndrome." He popped down beside the supervisor. Fourteen weapons sighted in on him. The fifteenth was in the hands of the now pale supervisor as he realized that several of the weapons were now pointed dangerously close to him.

"What is going on here?" Lex stood at the door, latte in hand. "What are you doing here, Ambush Bug? Haven't you caused enough trouble? You dare steal from me, then prance around my office in a . . ." He stared at Irwin. "Is that Batman's cape?"

Irwin hopped over the desk and landed in front of Luthor. Lex gestured for the maintenance crew to stand down, and their weapons disappeared as they went back to repairing the broken window. "You're wearing Batman's costume. Why?"

Irwin stuck an accusing finger in Luthor's face. "You know darn well, Lester! The Justice League is missing, and you're the man with the answers! Start singing, O Tenor of Troublemaking! Where are they?"

Lex grinned suddenly, his anger evaporating as quickly as it had manifested itself. "Are you accusing me of kidnapping the entire Justice League? Now how would I do that?"

Ambush Bug threw his hands in the air. "How should I know – I'm not a criminal mastermind anymore!"

Lex gave him a condescending look. "'Anymore'?"

"Don't get sassy, Lexter!" Ambush Bug began pacing the floor, broken glass crunching under his heels. "I'm one of the good guys, now. The white hat brigade. The cavalry. The Marines. I'm the guy you call when Remo Williams can't get the job done. But you – you're exactly the type of fiend to pull this caper off!" He teleported back on top of the desk. "So where'd you hide 'em, Lexxy?"

Lex shook his head. "I've heard that you were so annoying that even Superman loses his legendary patience with you. Now I know that there is truth to those rumors." He smiled as he gestured for the maintenance team to leave. "You pretend to be a superhero, but in truth you are simply an idiot with a fascinating piece of wardrobe technology. You are so far beneath me that you would need a Saturn V rocket to touch my shoes."

"Yes, I _am_ the one who captured them. Somehow I suspect that you've managed to do something to the Batman as well. Perhaps I should pay you a commission. But I want something that you stole from me. I want my crystals back. They're highly experimental, and not safe outside their storage container. Bring them to me, and I'll tell you where you can find the Justice League."

Ambush Bug thought for a moment. "Aww, and I was going to surprise the JL gang, too." He sighed. "Well, I suppose that if you want them that bad . . ." He popped away, leaving sixteen people staring at the bare surface of the desk.

The maintenance chief sighed. "Sorry, Mr. Luthor. If we'd had a clear shot-"

"You would have killed the only man who can get those crystals back. I need to recharge them, or the containment field will fade." He looked out the window in the direction of Gotham. "And I still don't know the whereabouts of Batman. However, if Ambush Bug took the crystals to Batman's lair, it's possible that the device activated and snared him. I need to see if Batman's crystal is actively containing him. If the caped crusader is out of the game, then we've got an entire world waiting to be ruled by someone fit to guide it. When he returns, capture him on my order. I want that suit intact."

A pop behind them alerted them to Ambush Bug's return. He was carrying a gaudy plaster bust of himself, cheesy grin and all. The bust had hands held up as though it was juggling, and suspended in a glass semicircle vertically intersecting the hands, were the seven crystals, each hero's symbol facing out. Lex stifled a laugh. Batman's crystal had the same darkened interior as the others. It was true – his master plan had succeeded better than even he had expected. He signaled the maintenance crew to get ready. "Welcome back, Ambush Bug. The bust is . . . an original method for displaying these crystals."

Irwin grinned. "You like it? Gretta's Plaster Emporium on West 53rd whipped it up for me in under an hour – said the glass was the hardest part. I've got the perfect spot on the Watchtower for it – I think it'll look great in the monitor room." He took a long look at it. "But if I have to give it back in order to save the Justice League, then I guess I'll make that sacrifice for the greater good. The lesser good goes hungry today."

"Let's take this down to the cabinet and return the crystals to their home." Lex took the bust from Ambush Bug. A subtle glance verified that his maintenance crew was once again aiming their weapons at the bug. He saw that the pistols were set to fire tranquilizer darts. He looked forward to studying the teleportation costume. He gestured to the open door. "After you, Ambush Bug."

Ambush Bug started toward the door, then turned and frowned at Lex. "You should probably lead. I honestly don't know where the heck I'm going if I'm walking there. Tell you what – I'll just meet you there." He snatched the bust back from Luthor.

Lex's men were slowly spreading out, surrounding Ambush Bug. Lex visibly winced when he saw what was about to happen. "Wait!"

Ambush Bug disappeared. The men, having surrounded him as their training indoctrinated them to take down a superhero, shot each other full of tranquilizers as their target disappeared. As Lex watched them slump to the floor, he made a mental note to amend the training program to adjust tactics to speedsters and teleporters. Stepping over to his desk, he keyed the intercom. "Melanie, send a medical team to my office. And another security team to Lab 15-C with orders to apprehend Ambush Bug."

"Yes, Mr. Luthor."

To be continued . . .

----- -----


	18. Chapter 18

This is an experiment. If you love it, thanks. If you hate it, it's all Dragonrider7's fault.

I don't own a single character in the DC Universe. Heck, I don't even own any characters in _this_ universe!

-----

Chapter 18

Irwin sat on top of the cabinet, trying to get the crystals out of the glass mounts without cracking anything. He still had hopes that he might be able to present the Justice League with a souvenir of their rescue.

The door to the lab opened, and Irwin smiled. "Took ya long enough!"

He was a little surprised to see several Lexcorp troopers rushing into the room and aiming weapons at him. He wasn't, however, too surprised to teleport away before over a dozen tranquilizer darts shot through the space he'd just vacated and stuck in the far wall and ceiling.

Ambush Bug reappeared in Lex's office. He stared at the slumbering maintenance crew, then gave Lex an odd look. "What kind of company are you running here? Trigger-happy goons in the lab, sleeping goons as throw rugs in your office – are you shooting some sort of sitcom here?" Irwin put the bust on Lex's desk. "You can call it 'Lexter's Lab' – can you do a cheesy German accent?" He smiled suddenly. "Of course, it's going to be more of a one-shot deal, since arresting you is part of my plan for rescuing the Justice League." He leaned on the bust, staring at Lex through the glass supporting the crystals. "I bet you've got them stashed nearby. Cough 'em up, and I'll see to it that the story has a dignified ending. Otherwise, we'll have to start off with an atomic wedgie and go from there." He looked up at one of the security cameras. "Ladies and gentlemen of the studio audience, you decide? What were some of Lex-man's greatest blunders?"

Lex had reached his limit. "If Superman weren't already my prisoner, my plan for destroying him would simply be to send you to visit him. Even the Flash isn't _this_ annoying!" Yanking a desk drawer open, he pulled out a slim remote.

Ambush Bug looked back at him and grinned. "Planning on watching The Learning Channel to see where you went wrong on this caper?"

Lex smiled. "Actually, the lesson is for you. I've been studying the energy pattern your suit emits whenever you teleport, and this remote controls a field generator that should keep you from tele-HEY!"

Ambush Bug had teleported across the room and snatched the remote, and was now sitting in the corner, examining the device. "You were monologuing again, Lexxyboy! Is the remote supposed to be a distraction from the deadly sleep ray coming out of your mouth? Booooring!" He flipped the remote over. "Hey, what's this button do?" He pressed it and immediately disappeared.

Lex frowned. The fool had activated the field – teleporting should have been the one thing he _couldn't_ do! He heard popping sounds seemingly coming from every direction. He watched long enough to realize that Ambush Bug was teleporting so quickly that he wasn't even completely reforming before disappearing on his next random jaunt. Suddenly he felt a lurch in his gut, and knew that Ambush Bug had actually almost materialized inside him. The danger he was in hit him hard, and he sprinted out of the office.

As he ran down the hall, he still heard the pops all around him. Objects were being knocked off desks in adjoining offices, pictures fell from walls, and more than one person doubled over in surprised pain as they felt Ambush Bug's instantaneous presence. He spotted Melanie rounding the corner and shouted to her. "Evacuate the building!"

Melanie nodded, hustling to her desk to sound the alarm.

Ambush Bug was stabbing the button for all he was worth, trying to get the remote to deactivate the energy field that had set his suit in high gear. He was literally teleporting in and out of every square foot on that floor of the building, and he had no control over it. It reminded him of his first few days experimenting with the suit. But he'd never actually teleported inside anything before. He found the experience to be very disturbing.

He tried to pop the battery cover off the remote, but found that he needed a screwdriver to do so. So he tried to direct his mad teleporting. All he was able to manage was an inch-by-inch drift due East. He shrugged. Better than nothing.

-----

Lex exited the building, flanked by four armored troopers that Melanie had assigned to him. An armored hovercraft personnel carrier with the Lexcorp logo emblazoned on the sides pulled up, and Lex and the troopers boarded. "Take me to the secondary bunkers." The driver gave a quick nod, and the blowers on the hovercraft shoved the massive transport forward. Two of the armored troopers opened ceiling hatches and manned 70-caliber autocannons.

Lex racked his brain. Ambush Bug's teleporting technology had ignored or defied everything Lexcorp scientists had thrown at him. The latest gadget, touted by Lexcorp's chief (soon to be ex-chief) research and development engineer as the end-all defense against any form of technology-driven teleportation, had actually done quite the reverse. That the Bug seemed unable to control the effect was the only redeeming quality of the device.

The hovercraft slid to a halt and settled in front of the testing range bunkers a mile from the main complex. The troopers bolted out, setting up a perimeter while Lex stepped down and walked to the bunker entrance. Short of a well-timed bullet, he saw no way to stop Ambush Bug. At the same time, he was mulling over the possibilities that would open up to him if he was able to capture that suit.

-----

Irwin was trying to chew his way through the battery cover as he teleported through several Lexcorp labs. Vials were shattering, cases were cracking open, and a five alarm fire was burning two rooms back. Irwin didn't know what sort of property insurance Lex carried, but he suspected that haywire teleportation wasn't covered. He kept trying to force the back of the remote open, all the while inching his way out of the building. It looked like it was going to be a long day.

-----

Lex heard the alarms going off and sighed. Somehow the bug had set off the sprinklers. He could think of a hundred different documents sitting on evacuated desks being ruined. He could think of a dozen different experiments that weren't particularly conducive to exposure to water. Hopefully the more volatile of the experiments were properly contained.

Then the entire west wing of the building blew apart. Debris rained down everywhere, and Lex stared as three-hundred foot flames arced into the blackening skies over the wreckage of Lexcorp.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to stem off the worst tension headache he'd ever had.

-----

The explosion accomplished two things for Irwin. It destroyed the field generator that was forcing him to teleport, and it blew him out the west side of the building. He teleported to safety before becoming a green smear on the side of a service shed. From his vantage point on a guard tower a half mile away, he frowned as more explosions rocked the remains of Lexcorp. "Wowsers! That'll eat up his deductible."

He gasped. "My gift is in there! No _way_ that's covered!"

Irwin reappeared in the wreckage of Lex's office. The damaged sprinklers were losing a battle against several fires. Irwin spotted the bust sitting in Lex's chair, apparently knocked there by the blast. He gasped again. The glass was broken and the crystals were missing. Darting through the flames, he snatched the statue and teleported it back to the guard tower rooftop, then returned to the office and started crawling around on the floor looking for the crystals. He found six of them, but his favorite, the one with Superman's logo, was still missing. He rummaged through Lex's desk, hoping it had somehow fallen into an open drawer. He did find another crystal, but this one was larger than the others and lacking the darkened interior. He stacked it with the others and kept looking. Finally he found it embedded in the wall. He pried it out and dusted it off, looking for damage. The crystal seemed intact. With a grin, he scooped the gems into a fold in the cape and popped back to the guard tower.

Laying out the items, he sighed. A large crack was running across the face of the bust. He tapped it, not at all surprised when the head split in two, the upper chunk rolling down the rooftop and falling to the ground with a thud. "Aw, man! There's $35 I'll never get back unless I take Lex to small claims court. The big sissy would probably bring his lawyer, too." Grumbling under his breath, he gathered the pieces of his gift and teleported to the Watchtower. Laying them out on the conference table, he shook his head. "You know what – I don't care. Lex may think he's calling the shots, but this little old American Bug is going to see to it that a certain villain dines on a small slice of justice today!"

To be continued . . .

----- -----


	19. Chapter 19

This is an experiment. If you love it, thanks. If you hate it, it's all Dragonrider7's fault.

I don't own a single character in the DC Universe. Heck, I don't even own any characters in _this_ universe!

-----

Chapter 19

Freeze looked up, annoyed. "Are you back again?" His irritation changed to amusement as he recognized Lex standing next to Ambush Bug. "I'm going to have to speak with my travel agent. He assured me that this was an elite vacation spot. The riffraff have been turning up in droves." He jerked a thumb over his shoulder where the Lexcorp trooper was huddled in the cab of Freeze's SUV, the heater on full blast.

Ambush Bug grinned from under the hood of his parka. "Frosty, I just came to tell you I was sorry I accused you. Lax Loser here is the guilty party. I'm taking him on a tour of the great vacation places of the world until he decides to tell me where the Justice League is."

Lex's teeth were already chattering. He wasn't dressed for this. "It will take more than a little snow to convince me of that, you pathetic buffoon."

Freeze looked at Luthor. "You actually got rid of the Justice League? Lex, you really should share your plans with your friends. It would keep people from scheduling personal activities and vacations during peak criminal activity times." His smile returned. "Of course, you don't actually _have_ any friends, do you?"

Lex was shivering uncontrollably now. "Y-y-y-you sh-sh-should t-t-talk!"

Irwin stepped next to Lex, throwing a brotherly arm around him. "Your head looks like a polished apple, Lex. Looks like you need a warmer climate." He winked at Freeze. "Stay cool, my man!" Then they teleported away.

Freeze sighed, then slowly forced himself to lay back down on the lawn chair and relax. "I don't envy Luthor the trip he's about to take with that lunatic." He thought about that for a while.

The Lexcorp trooper in the SUV was fairly certain that he could hear Freeze laughing even over the heater.

-----

The searing heat from the dunes rose up, assaulting him. Loose snow on his clothing immediately began to steam. Ten feet away, Ambush Bug was sipping a glass of lemonade. Lex was sure that some sort of temporal device was built into the suit, as Ambush Bug seemed capable of instantaneous costume changes and prop additions along with his teleportations. More than anything, Lex wanted that suit. But surviving the whims of the bug might prove difficult. "You want the League? What do you offer me in exchange?"

Irwin shrugged. "I've got fifty-eight bucks in my Paypal account after peddling Marvie's cookies on eBay. Supe's Speedos may up that a bit. And I'll throw in a set of slightly used running shoes formerly owned by the Flash. As is, of course."

"But then, I wouldn't be much of a hero, now would I? You don't make deals with villains – you beat them into submission, then drag them off to jail. Only problem is I don't think you'd tell me where you've taken the League just to stay out of jail. So I guess I need to show you the other awful places you could be dragged off to." The smirk returned and he looked up at the clear blue sky. "So tell, me, Ed. What are we looking at here?"

He turned back to Lex, speaking in a terrible imitation of Ed McMahon. "We've got a tremendous travel package, Bob! First, we tour the Himalayas, legendary home of the yeti! Decked out in our finest beachwear, you're set for a stay in sub-zero temperatures with winds that can reach 80 miles an hour!"

"But that's not all. You also get a year's supply of Turtle wax and a case of Rice-a-Roni, the San Francisco treat. And unlike some unlucky accordion players, you also get a copy of the home game!" Irwin teleported an inch from Lex's nose. "And as a free bonus, we're going to go on a world tour! All expenses paid, because there are no expenses. No air fare, no meals, no hotels – no sleeping at all! Just you and me for a couple months of sightseeing. Of course, I'll be looking for the Justice League, so I may have to bring you on a few nasty little side trips. You like volcanoes, right?"

Lex stepped back, finally realizing just how poor his bargaining position was. "Surely there's something I can offer you to walk away from all this?"

Irwin grinned. "I'll take one Justice League and a large Vanilla Coke, please."

Lex's expression hardened. "I will _never_ release them!"

Irwin reappeared with a friendly arm around Lex's shoulder. "You know, I bet the Pharaoh used that tone of voice with Moses ohhh, about plague six or so. Sounds like fun, Lexapalooza!" With a pop, they were gone.

-----

Lex threw a dripping arm over the edge of the vat. His eyes burned, and he coughed furiously for several seconds. Ambush Bug had dropped him into a 5,000 gallon drum of chemicals. As his vision cleared, he looked around.

He was in the very same plant where the Joker had supposedly had his tragic beginning.

He gagged as he clambered out of the vat and fell to the catwalk, afraid to look at his skin. Was he pasty white, with ruby lips and green hair? He rubbed his head, shocked to find a thick stubble growing so quickly he could actually feel it. He stared at his hands. Hair was growing on the back of them at an alarming rate. Looking around, he spotted Ambush Bug studying a clipboard hanging on the side of the vat. "What have you done to me?"

Irwin scowled at the clipboard. "I was aiming for the experimental truth syrum, but I guess I read the building blueprints wrong. This is . . . hyper-Rogaine. Supposed to grow a foot of hair in seconds. That might actually be right up your-_sufferin' sasquatch_!" Ambush Bug stared at Lex. "Mr. Luthor, you are definitely going to need a new barber. Or maybe a team of barbers." He checked the clipboard. "Yeah, this stuff is definitely not ready to ship just yet." He tossed the clipboard in the vat and popped away.

Lex jumped up, eager to make an escape from the bizarre trip he was on. He ran down the catwalk and took the stairs down three at a time. Finally reaching the concrete floor, he sprinted for the front door. He was almost to the exit when Irwin popped up in front of him holding a full-length mirror. What he saw stopped him cold. He looked like a werewolf, fur covering every inch of exposed skin. It was even growing through his clothing. He stared at himself for several seconds, just trying to accept what he was seeing. "I . . . I can fix this. I can reverse this."

Ambush Bug grinned as he tossed the mirror aside with a crash and grabbed the front of Lex's shirt. "Yeah, like you'll have time for that! We've got a busy day ahead of us. Pet groomers, sizing for a collar, kibble taste-testing, obedience school – you're booked, Lex." He leaned close to the horrified villain. "Or should I start calling you _Rex_?"

Before Lex could respond, they disappeared.

-----

Lex lay on his back in a very confined space. It took him a few seconds to realize that he was inside a giant mouth, six-inch teeth creating a very disturbing prison cell. Then he smelled engine oil and machinery and realized that he was inside an animatronic device. From the scale, he suspected it was a tyrannosaurus rex.

Lex tried unsuccessfully to get his heartrate back down. In the last half hour, they had swam with great white sharks, ran with bulls, played chicken with a train, and clung to ledges inside a live volcano hot enough to singe his newly acquired fur. The fact that the tornado they'd ridden had literally blown the fur off of him had been a small consolation. His resolve was rapidly giving out, and Ambush Bug showed no indication that he was even warmed up yet.

Looking out through the teeth that formed the bars of his temporary cage, he spotted Ambush Bug leaning against the Batmobile. He blinked. The green idiot had brought him to the very heart of the Batman's operation. If he could divine where he was, he could finish the caped crusader at his convenience.

Then the dinosaur began a jerky walk, lurching forward and almost tipping forward. Lex could just see Ambush Bug fiddling with a remote control. The Bug looked up at him with a frown. "Man, this is way trickier than cousin Philbert's remote control helicopter. Wonder if he ever found that thing."

Lex's eyes grew wide. The dinosaur was stomping directly for a chasm in the cave over which the Batmobile was parked. "You fool! Stop this thing before I go over the edge!"

Ambush Bug grinned. "That's _my_ line, Lex! Now I'm stuck with 'Jane, get me off this crazy thing!'" He mashed a few buttons and yanked on the levers. The dinosaur stopped, one foot halfway off the ledge. "And now to back her up." He pressed another button, and the dinosaur roared. Luthor was forcibly ejected from the robot's mouth and fell screaming into the depths of the Batcave.

Irwin watched him fall for a second, then teleported on his back and covered his eyes. "Guess who?" He leaned close to Lex's ear. "You know, I think the next stop on our itinerary is the Moon."

Lex stopped screaming and looked over his shoulder in horror. "Y-you can _do_ that?"

Irwin shrugged, almost losing his grip on Lex. "Dunno. Never tried it. But what the hey – maybe you've got the League socked away up there. Now hold your breath. This might be a bit nippy!"

"I give up! I'll let the League go! Just not the Moon!"

Irwin sighed. "Just when this was getting interesting."

Fifteen feet above the stalagmites, they disappeared.

To be continued . . .

----- -----


	20. Chapter 20

This is an experiment. If you love it, thanks. If you hate it, it's all Dragonrider7's fault.

I don't own a single character in the DC Universe. Heck, I don't even own any characters in _this_ universe!

-----

Chapter 20

They reappeared in the conference room of the Watchtower. Lex clutched the conference table, catching his breath. Ambush Bug walked over to the end of the table where the crystals and the ruined bust were laid out. "Aside from the $35 you owe me, I want to know where them Justice Leaguers are. Let 'em loose, and I'll knock $5 off what you owe me."

Lex pointed to the larger crystal. "That crystal controls the others. I can use it to deactivate them." He was still gasping, trying to get his heart rate back to normal. The madcap ride with the bug had completely destroyed his composure. For the first time in his life, Lex was a beaten man.

Irwin hefted the eighth crystal. "What's this – some New Age mumbo jumbo? C'mon, Lexxie. I'm looking for heroes, not Shirley McClain."

Lex flushed. "Why you idiotic-"

He stopped. Ambush Bug was pointing out the conference room window at the moon.

His shoulders slumped. "Let me see the large crystal."

-----

Fifteen minutes later, the heroes, the bank robbers, the train passenger, and the airline pilot were all standing in the conference room. Irwin, lacking space on the floor, stood on the conference table, the large crystal in his hand. "Now let me get this straight – each of these small crystals is a gate to a pocket universe, and each one is attuned to the DNA of one of the Justice League members. When active, it dimension-shifts the hero in question when it gets within ten feet, along with anyone close enough to get caught in the field." He smiled at Batman. "If my costume hadn't countered the effect, I'd be hanging in the crystal with you right now."

Bruce shuddered, despite himself.

The bank robbers scowled at that. "Yeah, thanks a heap, Luthor! 'Easy bank job', my eye! You'll be hearing from my HMO!"

The train passenger looked over at Wally. "I'm so sorry. A man told me to hold the crystal or they'd hurt my wife. I didn't know what to do."

Wally shrugged. "Hey, no sweat. It all worked out. But I'm pretty sure you're going to be late for work."

The airline pilot, a Lexcorp employee, wisely said nothing as he stood between a furious Green Lantern and Wonder Woman.

Ambush Bug grinned. "Lex, despite everything, I gotta hand it to you. You are one clever guy! I mean really – crystals that capture superheroes. How do you come up with this stuff? Is there a Diabolical Genius Plots for Dummies volume out there somewhere?" He flipped the control crystal in his hand. "It's brilliant, yet simple! Suppose _I_ were to activate this crystal right here with everyone present, would it-"

"NOOO!" shouted everyone in the room.

-----

Superman grinned as he dropped Luthor off in the exercise yard of Metropolis Penitentiary. He knew that Lex would be out on bail within the hour, but the symbolic gesture was lost on neither man. "Maybe next time you'll know better than to have anything to do with Ambush Bug."

Lex returned the smile. "Believe me, I've acquired a new respect for the abilities and resourcefulness of Ambush Bug."

Superman's brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

Lex's grin took on a sinister touch. "Oh, you'll see."

-----

Two days later . . .

Ambush Bug sat sulking at his desk. The Justice League had once again refused to grant his request for membership. So he'd been the guy who gathered the Justice League's DNA for Lex Luthor and made his scheme possible. It wasn't like he hadn't fixed everything. He even gave Bruce's cape back when the Dark Knight had rather fiercely demanded it. Sheesh, it wasn't like he couldn't afford a thousand of them. But even after Irwin had pointed out to them that gathering their DNA was a simple matter of hosting a benefit dinner, inviting the League, then washing the dishes afterward, they were still mad at him.

He shrugged. Maybe he should have waited for them to remove Lex from the room before mentioning that fact, but it seemed painfully obvious to him. But then, Irwin had a way of looking at things from a slightly different perspective.

He grabbed his official Superman letter opener (™) and sliced open the envelope that the mailman had delivered. "What is it today, Cheeks? A lost kitten? Someone wanting me to follow his wife around with a camera?"

The envelope had a letter and a copy of the latest DC Comics' Who's Who in the DC Universe. The letterhead was from the International Superhero Society, and it was a formal notification that Ambush Bug was cordially invited to a superhero scavenger hunt. As an added element of competition, an anonymous team of superheroes were tasked with trying to stop the scavenger hunt contestants from acquiring the items on their lists. The winner would receive honorary membership in the Justice League and a two-week vacation to Cancun with the Justice League member of his choice.

Irwin's heart raced as he scanned the comic, noting circled items next to each hero's biography. "Ooooooo! I already know where most of this stuff is!" He winked at Cheeks. "Hold my calls, little fella! I've got a few things to pick up!"

He popped away, never noticing that the envelope had a Lexcorp return address.

The End

(Of Superman's sanity, at least)

----- -----

Ambush Bug is difficult to write for, as he's notorious for breaking the fourth wall. I fell in love with the character before DC made that shift to his dynamics, and I wanted to capture him in that sense. But it was impossible not to put a few inside DC jokes in without denying a major part of what Ambush Bug means to the DC Universe.

Hopefully you've enjoyed this tale. If so, great. And if not . . .

I still blame Dragonrider 7. Take care. Thanks for riding this train wreck to the bitter end.


End file.
